Need Ideas to Replace Usual Traditions

[SouthernBelle4U]

Hi everyone. My name is Tina and I have abit of a problem. You know those usual ideas that everyone has for a wedding? Lighting of the unity candles, bouquet toss, garter toss, toasting, cutting of the cake and dancing? Alot of these ideas my fiance won't agree to because he doesn't see the sense in them and is easily embarassed. I have no idea what I can replace them with, and I'm a little hurt that he doesn't at least want to use SOME of them. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do? Any advice that any of you can give would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks! :-)

[Sarah]

Ummmm...so what does he want to do, get married in a broom closet at the courthouse with a bag over his head so no one sees him? I'm just kidding...I can see how this would be frustrating for you. I also wanted to include some aspects that my fiance vetoed, and I am the shy one, so I hated being the center of attention. I can see both sides. Just keep in mind that however you plan your ceremony and reception, it should include what the two of you are comfortable with. Many couples forego the bouquet and garter tossing (we did), and there is no reason to have a unity candle as part of your ceremony if you don't want to. The cake cutting....maybe have a small cake layer at each table (use it for double duty as the centerpiece), and the guests eat the one at their table. You two can just slice the one at your table so it's less of a big deal. And no one says you have to dance at your reception. If you're having a DJ for the guests to dance, just have the first dance (that shouldn't be any more nerve-wracking than exchanging vows in front of everyone!), and then back off and let everyone else dance. If you don't have a DJ (we didn't), then problem solved. Just eat and enjoy everyone's company. Try to work together to reach some compromises about what you both would like to see as a part of your wedding. Your pastor/officiant can probably give some suggestions about unusual twists on wedding traditions, as s/he's probably seen it all. Good luck!

[bjmy1975]

We've been having a little problem agreeing on what we want too. I guess we've just been compromising and giving a little to everyone. The fiance's mother wants a unity candle. The groom doesn't want to do a dollar dance because (a) that would require him to dance and (b) he would have to socialize. The bride wants a fountain and the bride's mother wants a specific song played at the reception. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. You could let people take home flower arangments at the end of the night instead of a boquet toss. You could give a flower to each of your parents in lue of a unity candle lighting. I can't remember what the rest of the things were that you wanted suggestions for. I'd bet if you two sat and brainstormed you could come up with some really neat ideas. If you come up with ideas post them on the board and people will tell you what they think.

[aligrrl80]

i'm a little shy about being the center of attention too, so i underestand your fiance's position. but if these are things that are important to you then he should be willing to come to some kind of compromise. my future sister in law got married last year and decided to nix the bouquet toss/garter toss thing. to replace it they had all married couples get on the dance floor to dance to a special song, then the dj asked all couples married less than a year to be seated, then less than 5 yrs, 10 yrs etc, until they were left with just the longest married couple on the dance floor, who they then presented with the bouquet and a big round of applause. it was really sweet, and then the bride and groom aren't the only ones at the center of attention and don't have to do anything embarrassing. maybe for the first dance you two could just dance by yourselves for the first part of the song and then invite others to join in for the rest, so your not alone with everyone staring for too long. also, we're probably going to take dance lessons so we have a little more confidence up there, and at least we can feel like we know what we're doing and have steps to focus on- plus lessons should make for a fun date night in the months leading up to the wedding!