Inviting x's that you're still good friends with....

[kelcie-stumbo@excite.com]

I am still good friends with one of my x-flings but my fiancee hates him. He hasn't even met him yet. My x-fling has a bad background (which he recieved after we split up). He is completely innocent of the charges against him but my fiancee doesn't quite believe the story. Just mentioning his name makes my fiancee upset. Do I still invite him to the wedding since I am still good friends with him or not?

[avid bride]

I think that his reaction to your friend has more to do with his feelings. Very often the men we choose feel threatend by our relationships past and present. If your friend is important to you, the situation must be delt with. It will only prove to be a problem later and in all likelyhood, you will have to give up your friend.

Maybe, the two of you, your friend and someone that your fiancee really likes as a fourth person can go out for a casual evening and talk, have dinner, etc. Then he can see that the reputation is unjustified and that the two of you are just friends. In addition, if you do things with you x, include your fiancee.

Sometime unreasonalbe attitudes towards friends and family relationships is an indicator of problems that may arise during the marriage. There is nothing worse than having making a choice between your Husband and someone else.


Good Luck, Avid Bride

[germaine]

Put the shoe on the other foot! It's not just your wedding day, honey! Don't do that to your man on HIS wedding day! Please girl. Your friend should understand if he is that. Do you really want to start off your marriage on the wrong foot?

[Hoboken]

How do I say this..........

NO!!!!!!!!!

You'll regret it for the rest of your life!! If your fiance hates him, then why would you want him there? He'll be the pink elephant in the room. Do you want your fiance to be reminded of your ex on your wedding day??
I'm very close friends with my ex and he even said it's not appropriate for me to invite him!!
If he's truly your friend, he will understand.

[edamanskis]

Men never want to know about your ex's. Beyond that, I don't know of many instances where men and women are "just friends", with no romantic undertones at all (at least on one parties part...and especially an ex).

If you really think things through...why are you remaining friends with the ex-fling?
Is there any chance of a re-kindling of romance?

How would you feel about your fiancee being "good friends" with an ex-fling of his? (really?)

Your husband must be first priority in your life.
I hate to say that uncomfortable as it may be, you might have to end your friendship with the ex-fling.
Your marriage is not worth it.

[huskerkitties]

No, no, no, NO you don't invite this ex to your wedding! Secretly, are you wanting to rub the ex's nose in the fact you found someone else and are marrying him???

I agree this is your husband's day as much as it is yours and if he hates the ex (plus if the ex is facing jail time, eewww) do NOT ruin your soon-to-be husband's wedding day with this person.

Stand up for this one thing and you will regret it...how would YOU feel if dear fiance invited an ex-stripper girlfriend to the wedding???

[danielL]

Not knowing the details and extent of your situation, I don't think that ANYONE can give you a hardcore definite answer, besides maybe your very closest friends that know the story well. But I can say this:
I only half agree with what everyone else seems to be saying. If your fiance' is that steamed about even the idea of your X, there is a very low likelihood that he will come around to it in time for the wedding. If that is the case, I'm sure your friend, the X, will understand.
On the other hand, I know that my fiancee' and I have both had relationships in the past, some of which we have become friends with again. I have one friend that I don't even consider to be an "ex-girlfriend" anymore, she is just a friend like any other. Granted I am not %100 comfortable with the guys that I know that my girl used to be interested in, but come on... I GET TO MARRY HER! If anything, when we see those people at all, formal affair or not, I just hold her a little closer and am that much more proud of her that she chose ME to spend the rest of her life with!
But still, if she did not see it this way for some reason and was thoroughly adamant about not wanting that person at our wedding at all, I would be fine with not inviting that person. I am sure they would understand. After all... I would rather risk disappointing a friend a little than face an angry bride ;)
I hope this helps. Good luck in all your planning.
~Daniel

[reecey]

I played this one very smart. My fiancee likes both of my ex's that I'm still friends with. We'd hung out with them a few times and he really likes the guys, then I told him that I had dated them. He really couldn't say anything since his ex girlfriend still runs to him every time she has a car problem :) - Its truly innocent though - she and I have even had lunch and girls night out a couple of times. We're fortunate that we were friends before dating. No point in losing a good friendship over a closer relationship not being right.


I am still good friends with one of my x-flings but my fiancee hates him. He hasn't even met him yet. My x-fling has a bad background (which he recieved after we split up). He is completely innocent of the charges against him but my fiancee doesn't quite believe the story. Just mentioning his name makes my fiancee upset. Do I still invite him to the wedding since I am still good friends with him or not?