Guilt and the Destination Wedding

[kyethra]

My FH and I were talking about having our ceremony in Vegas and then having the reception somewhere back home. We like Vegas. Its easy to get married there and we figured with all the choices it would be low stress and so forth and nice and have a very small ceremony and then invite everyone to the reception.

Then I talked to my mother. After I mentioned the Vegas idea she called to let me know how depressed she was about my wedding- we haven't even set a date yet- and that she thought the idea of getting married in Vegas where so many of my friends and family wouldn't be able to afford to attend was cold hearted and that seemed so unlike how she always thought I was, etc. And my mom was saying she didn't know how she would be able to afford to come and was I doing this to exclude her, so I said that of course we wanted her there and would help her out with the cost if need be.

But after thinking about it, I don't see whats wrong with being selfish about the ceremony. So what if you don't invite everyone to Vegas or they can't come? Aren't we allowed to get married there if we want to even if it is for superficial reasons?

Does anyone else have problems with others about justifying choices or not inviting people. Lol. I sort of feel like saying "Because I don't wanna" and sticking out my toungue.

[alley06]

Don't let your mom guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do. It's your wedding and you don't want to look back later, wishing you had done what you wanted to do. If you haven't even set a date yet, your mom should have plenty of time to save some money to go. If you do go, let it be just immediate family and make sure you video **** it. That way, you could show the video **** at your reception and nobody would feel left out. It's a decision that is totally up to the bride and groom.

[JEN0507]

Until a couple of months ago we were going to Hawaii and then coming back and having a reception. My mom was freaking b/c she didn't know if even she could get there. she gave me the biggest guilt trip.. like every day!! My FH was the one who wanted to go away and i thought i didn't care. But it ***e down to it and I put my foot down and told him we were having the wedding here. My mom was def excited. But when we were planning on going we told people that we would have a video done during the ceremony and show it at our recption. that may be a way for you to go. the only people that HAVE to be there are you and him. hope tht helps!!!

[Elaine]

We were going to have a private ceremony but got guilt tripped into inviting close family members. I'll be honest. I wish they hadn't come. All my MIL could do was complain and my sister didn't have pleasant things to say either. I just kept thinking they didn't need to be there. I was SOOOO uncomfortable.

Thus, I've rewritten our ceremony in my mind, painting it with rose colors. In my own version they were still there, but sorta like fairies just floating around. I remember the way I felt about getting married - excited and enchanted with my husband. I remember the beautiful surroundings and our precious vows.

There is a REASON for honeymoons. You need to be alone with your spouse and enjoy the fact that you're married without guilt from anyone.

Anyway, back to the question. I say stick to your guns and have your wedding the way you want to have it. Then, later, be a true hostess and make the reception all about them, just the way they want it.

[nogs33fffe]

Girl your wedding day supposed to be all about you and your groom so if that is what u wanna do the choice is entirely yours.
Right now I wanna get married in Jamaica in the month fo February, my family starting to complain already saying de children gonna be in school so it's obvious I don't want them to come as well as my aunt and uncle who are teachers. So now I gotta decide if i wanna change the date of not but i really liked the date which we picked.

[ceneri]

Talking about wedding and guilt trips I think I can make my story into a movie. My FH and I are in Georgia, his parents are in Toronto, and my mom is in Hong Kong.

Originally I wanted to go to Hawaii and have an intimate beach wedding with just close family members. However, being inspired by the relatives' daughters' weddings, his dad wanted to throw a big party so that he can invite his friends and all these people we don't know (?!). Then my mom doesn't like the idea of being stuck in the island with these people for a week. So we ditched the idea, which made me very sad.

We thought about doing the wedding here in Atlanta, but my mom said she won't come because she doesn't know how to drive, and she doesn't want to count on us to take her around. Besides, she will also be stuck with my in-laws.

After that, we tried organizing a wedding in Hong Kong. However the culture is very different there, the prices are a lot more expensive and my FH flipped out. There was a big argument between him (who is budget-conscious) and his dad (who wants a "nice big party") and it was horrible. It was also very difficult for me to find a venue that I like or even an officiant that is willing to officiate our wedding outside of the registration office. So we dropped the idea also.

During the few months of horrible arguments, my mom ***e to suggest that maybe I should consider letting his parents throw the party in Toronto. In Chinese culture it is more appropriate for the family to throw a party to celebrate and "welcome" the son's wife into the family, and I shouldn't be doing it because I am not "begging" them to take me. I was so confused at that time with not being able to find a venue I like in Hong Kong, so I mentioned to his mom that maybe she can look at venues in Toronto as well. 2 weeks later they called back about this venue they liked. However the way they pushed it and the way his dad talked (that he was giving in from throwing the BIG party he really wants) made me really uncomfortable, and after I hung up I already thought we should just not get married at all. My FH ignored the topic of wedding when his parents called (which doesn't make them happy at all), and I sometimes cried when I see pictures of a small beach wedding because I know that I will never have a wedding like that. Wedding is supposed to be a very happy thing for both families, and I don't know why none of us is happy in mine.

Several weeks later, I decided that I am going to ignore everyone, and just have wedding pictures taken in Hawaii, and I don't care if we get married or anyone recognise this marriage. Then I found these places that will plan your beach ceremony in Hawaii and have very beautiful pictures taken in an affordable price! I think I am going to do it and invite a few of my very close friends. Then when we come back we will design a little announcement card and mail it to everyone saying that we are married. I know it sounds cruel, but I think this is the only way that at least 2 people is happy.

We are not religious people, but one thing my FH said that is very true - if you look into the Bible, it states that marriage is between 2 people - a man and a woman - not two families.