no gifts

[MJM65B]

since we are blending two families that pretty much have everything we need we would rather that guests not give gifts but if they want they could give money to go towards our honeymoon. What would be the approriate way to approach this?

[animal]

Honestly Tammy I dont think there is an appropiate way to approach that. My fiance and I were thinking the exact same thing, but too many have told me that it is very inappropiate. I think that is the importance of registering at least you know what you will get.

[Jillian]

I haven't investigated this at length, because my fiance & I actually do need house stuff, but I believe an online registry is the answer. Go to a search engine and look for anyplace that lets you register for cash gifts. I know they do exist. Good luck!

[jimandangelia]

My husband and I had the same problem last year when we got married. We had already blended two families with children into one home, so we already had double of everthing that we needed. I didn't register for gifts, and didn't specifically ask for cash, but when people would ask for gift suggestions, I simply told them we had everything we needed for the home, and were not requesting gifts. This usually resulted in the guest either giving cash without being asked, or offering to help watch our three kids on a rotating basis while we were on our honeymoon.

But, no, there is no tactful way to request cash gifts. It's just not done, so either suck it up and take the gifts people buy back and get the cash, or state on the invitations that the couple requests no gifts...it's amazing how many will bring cards and cash anyway!!!!

[szyq0719]

I just heard recently from a good friend to check with travel agents if you are booking your honeymoon through them. Ask about registries because some travel agents will actually give out the small cards that can go into the bridal shower invitations. You can pick activities you would like to do, one night stay in hotel, etc.

[freddie]

My fiance and I would prefer cash also because we each ***e into this relationship already owning the items we need. But his mother insisted that we register at stores. So we did but only for about 30 items. I wanted things to unwrap at my bridal shower, so the store registries should take care of that. There won't be much for wedding guests to choose from, so I'm hoping they'll give cash. (I wouldn't say "no gifts" on invitations because guests may not give you anything.)

We also registered with Sandals because we are taking our vacation there. But I found out today that if a guest wants to purchase a $50 gift check, there is a $10 shipping fee. I think that's outrageous. So I added a note to my wedding Web site (a good place to let people know where you're registered) telling them about the shipping fee and suggesting that if they want to add to our honeymoon fund, they can send us a check with "Sandals" in the subject line.

All of this is so complicated, though. I wish people weren't so sensitive to people asking for cash. If people honestly don't need items for their house, doesn't it make sense to give them a little nest egg?

[In the Future]

If you don't need gifts, and don't particularly need cash one really great alternative is for your guests to donate to a favorite charity.

[lmrs]

My fiance and I would prefer cash also because we each ***e into this relationship already owning the items we need. But his mother insisted that we register at stores. So we did but only for about 30 items. I wanted things to unwrap at my bridal shower, so the store registries should take care of that. There won't be much for wedding guests to choose from, so I'm hoping they'll give cash. (I wouldn't say "no gifts" on invitations because guests may not give you anything.)

We also registered with Sandals because we are taking our vacation there. But I found out today that if a guest wants to purchase a $50 gift check, there is a $10 shipping fee. I think that's outrageous. So I added a note to my wedding Web site (a good place to let people know where you're registered) telling them about the shipping fee and suggesting that if they want to add to our honeymoon fund, they can send us a check with "Sandals" in the subject line.

All of this is so complicated, though. I wish people weren't so sensitive to people asking for cash. If people honestly don't need items for their house, doesn't it make sense to give them a little nest egg?

I think most of you are forgetting a very important point. NO ONE IS REQUIRED TO GIVE YOU ANY GIFT. A gift is given because the giver wants to give, not because the recipient wants to recieve. A wedding is not your time to get "a little nest egg", especially if you are adults with fully furnished homes. I'm happy to see that many posters relate the fact that asking for anything as gifts is in very bad taste, especially on the invitation! Just attending a wedding can get quite expensive for guests, what with new clothes,hair styling, travel, babysitting etc. Then guests are expected to give a shower gift and a wedding gift. Then, some tacky brides actually have money dances, or money trees. I think the blatant greed is very unseemly. Your guests are not ATM's! Your wedding is an occasion for you to express in public your love and committment to another person. It is not a present/money grab!!

[baconsmom]

since we are blending two families that pretty much have everything we need we would rather that guests not give gifts but if they want they could give money to go towards our honeymoon. What would be the approriate way to approach this?
There is no appropriate way. You may not mention anything about gifts on or enclosed with the invitations. Gifts are NOT requirements - they are gifts. No one is obligated to give you anything. And unlike what some other posters have said, it is NOT appropriate to register for a honeymoon. Ever. End of story. If you want no gifts, do not register anywhere. When people ask your bridal party, have them say that you do not want gifts. Most people will then give cash - but expect some to get you a traditional present, and expect some not to give anything.

[carolinamom]

Preach on baconsmom! I agree with you wholeheartedly!

Please also consider this from the guests' point of view. Most guests are going to bring a gift. Maybe it is different here in the poor south - but here not all guests can put tons of money into a gift. So you ask for cash - and how do they feel? They want to give a gift but cannot afford to put a substantial amount of cash into your hands. They might, however, be wonderful shoppers and able to find you a very nice gift at a price they could afford. For instance, today I purchased a beautiful crystal bowl for a gift. It is lovely and I found it on clearance. The guests might also have something sentimental in mind for you. Some of my favorite gifts (even now 30 years later) were the very simple ones or the handcrafted ones.

Asking for cash seems to put a dollar value on your guests - "they only gave me $20.00 or $50.00."

Why are gifts such an issue - why not just graciously accept what your guests offer you. Return it if you don't like it. It isn't the guests' responsiblity to underwrite the honeymoon or the downpayment on a house, etc.

I do not mean to sound harsh. Just my opinion, I guess everyone has one.

[outdoor bride]

since we are blending two families that pretty much have everything we need we would rather that guests not give gifts but if they want they could give money to go towards our honeymoon. What would be the approriate way to approach this?

My sweetie and I also have everything we need (and more) for our home and will not be registering. However we are requesting, by word of mouth, that guests bring a stone with them from their homes. We will put these stones around a reflection pond that we are creating. Our true hope is that they will have their names engraved on them and it would also become a "living" guest book.

[Kelly1Mickey]

Baconsmom and carolinamom...you are responding to a post that is a year and a half old...I don't think that person will be getting your advice. I am sure they are no longer on this forum.

Outdoor bride...I LOVE that idea! What a wonderful way to remember your wedding day!

[nmb082005]

Another old post....outdoorbride, I too love this idea!

[shouse01]

Preach on baconsmom! I agree with you wholeheartedly!

Please also consider this from the guests' point of view. Most guests are going to bring a gift. Maybe it is different here in the poor south - but here not all guests can put tons of money into a gift. So you ask for cash - and how do they feel? They want to give a gift but cannot afford to put a substantial amount of cash into your hands. They might, however, be wonderful shoppers and able to find you a very nice gift at a price they could afford. For instance, today I purchased a beautiful crystal bowl for a gift. It is lovely and I found it on clearance. The guests might also have something sentimental in mind for you. Some of my favorite gifts (even now 30 years later) were the very simple ones or the handcrafted ones.

Asking for cash seems to put a dollar value on your guests - "they only gave me $20.00 or $50.00."

Why are gifts such an issue - why not just graciously accept what your guests offer you. Return it if you don't like it. It isn't the guests' responsiblity to underwrite the honeymoon or the downpayment on a house, etc.

I do not mean to sound harsh. Just my opinion, I guess everyone has one.


I totally agree. I was brought up not to ask for things. It is the thought that counts. If you don't like the gifts or if you already have one, take it back. How will they know?
My problem is that I am not in control of the bridal shower or wedding (my shower and wedding). I have no choice what goes on the invitations because I am not fitting the bill. My FMIL is paying for the entire wedding as the wedding gift.
You graciously accept whatever they get you, if they get you anything. And always say "Thank you" no matter how bad the gift is. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!!!!

[maybride]

since we are blending two families that pretty much have everything we need we would rather that guests not give gifts but if they want they could give money to go towards our honeymoon. What would be the approriate way to approach this?
I don't know what the proper way to address this is, but I don't see anything wrong with asking for help with your honeymoon. The wedding industry is evolving and changing with the times. You can even register for photography now if you'd like. As a guest at someone's wedding, I would like to get the bride and groom what they want. If a great honeymoon is what they prefer, I will gladly donate as much as I can to help them achieve that. You should not feel obligated to go out and pick out a china pattern you will never use because it is proper etiquette. I know I don't want to get someone something they felt they had to ask for. The people at your wedding are there to celebrate with you not judge you. Get the word out to your friends and family that you have always wanted to go to ___, and are trying to save up for that. The family will get the picture! Good luck and have fun on that honeymoon of yours!