Amanda and Derek- Peace Finally.

[AmandaJ]

I wasn't at first keen on sharing my experience with others until I decided maybe my thoughts and feelings could help another bride in my shoes. Since it's a journal I'm just going to blab my whole history down with words.

My parents are divorced and it's a nasty one. They hate each other and subsequently the families hate one another too. Yes, this is relevant to weddings because it plays a major part in my current situation. I was 4 when they divorced and my mother remarried in less then a year to a man who was once married to my father's sister. For many years my mom always told me my dad had an affair, so my relationship with him has been rather ugly because I couldn't believe someone related to me would do something like that to a woman they claimed to love. Over the years of my life, every detail turned into out besting the other parent. I have a sister who's 3 years younger then I, she's perfect...well in my parents' eyes anyway. I have tried and tried to be in the same light she's in but it's never happened. I struggle with my weight and depression. I blame my parents for my insecurities..ok, some of them but most agree that the fault lies there. My first real memory is hearing them argue that they should never have had children. I'm the first so the blame always weighed on my shoulders. I was the straight-A good girl all through school. I'm terrified of disappointing my parents so I did everything in my mind to be who they wanted in a daughter. I was abused but emotionally and mentally I be***e rather unstable. Dating was pretty slim and I was locked in a box of trying to be what they wanted.

From the time I was 16 I worked at a grocery store that my mother worked at. She always did instill good work ethics into me. This is where I first met Derek. Ick...not my type. I didn't give him a single chance even though his mother worked there and together, our mothers attempted to push us in the same direction of each other. When I graduated high school, Derek was getting married to a woman he met at the same place. Those two were the butt of many jokes because they didnt' match and everyone but them knew they wouldn't last. My mom filmed their wedding and I was Derek's best man's date. Funny thing when you think about it. I left for college and fell deeply in depression. I cried out for help from my parents but basically what I got in return was "it's all in your head, stop trying to be so dramatic". I got caught up in the world of online chat and actually met someone who be***e a good friend. If I had been functioning properly in the head I wouldn't have done what I did at the time, even though it all worked out. This guy asked me to come down to him in Galveston, TX. He even bought my ticket. I left college and went. Scary really with everything that happens with the internet, but I wanted out. I wanted free and this was my cue. Lucky for me, Matt turned out to be a big brother and cared alot for me. He, and his friends, helped me in many ways emotionally to rise above everything and open my wings.

I ***e back two months later after my mother had a cancer scare and tried to be free still, but the same problems rose again and I ran again. This time to Minnesota, still with the internet thing. Again, I was lucky. This guy was a good person really, though he was just as misguided as me and I was only 20, still completely naive to the real world. Doug and I were together for nearly a year until he left me. We had many many problems finacially and of course my family dispised him and made life hell. When he left, the words out of my mom's mouth were "I told you so" ..nothing to console my broken heart, so I ran yet again. This time into a situation I've blocked from my memory. I learned and my step-grandmother heard my cries for help this time and got me home. I found a pattern here. I was running instead of facing down the demons haunting me. I again, worked at the grocery store and managed to get my own apartment and began to flourish. I heard Derek's wife had kicked him out just so I could keep on the gossip of the store and I found a new job, where I currently am. I did alot of soulsearching during this time and developed my own self. I still, remained talking to friends on the net, instead of going out into the real world. Until a year ago on Memorial Day and fate decided to take hold of both Derek and I.

[AmandaJ]

May 31, 2004- Memorial Day.

Driving to work I was hit in a T-Bone style accident by a drug induced unresponsible, uninsured female in front of many many witnesses. She fled from the scene and they cops didn't catch her. I was lucky my car took the damage and not my body. I spent the next couple weeks recovering and without a vehicle. My mother, suprise move on her part, and Derek's mom decided that the two of us needed to get out of the house. Again with their plot to push us together. Derek was basically hermiting since his wife kicked him out and his mom, Linda, was sick of him being around the house mopping. So I finally submitted on June 25th to the pushing and went out with Derek as friends only...turns out, we had a great time. We talked about his wife and how he was ready to divorce her. He was just tired of being walked on all the time. (Hey they lasted five years and I lost out on that pool!! I told him he owed me money now for not being normal). We ended up adopting a kitten of all things. So of course, Derek now had an excuse to come over. We spent nearly everyday together and finally, after a month, I lost interest in the net and wanted his company more and more. But yet we were still "just friends". He went to work on filing for the divorce and I asked him to move in. It was really a platonic thing, his dad was driving him nuts and he wanted out. I wanted help with the bills and got some company. It worked. Until I fell asleep with him on the bed watching a movie. Ever since, I can't sleep if he's not the bed with me. I suppose, shame on me for falling for a married man, but that was long over before I ***e into the picture. Derek had easily fallen for me. By Sept of that year, my mother started joking that she was ready for us to get married. We took it literally and started discussing it, saying we'd wait for quite awhile and all that jazz. Derek's divorce was finalized in Oct and we went on a short vacation together. We picked out a ring, $34 since we both don't have alot of money, and made it official. Neither has had a doubt since.

The big joke is that our mother's were right. With a roll of eyes each time it's said, we mentally agree. Derek is perfect for me. He fits everything I have ever wanted and is my soulmate. We set a date for Nov 5th for an outdoor wedding. It fits us both but mother's nagging drove us to change it. It went to a day near the end of Oct I can't remember right now, but then Derek's cousin's wife delievered their baby that day last year. Can't do that, because it's lost it's feeling to us. So we decided on Sept 25th. It worked really and everyone was happy. Except us. We couldn't wait....The date was then changed to June 25th. Our one year together just seemed right. It was a Saturday and I was falling into the category of a typical bride(which I swore I'd never be) and that's were I still am 2 and half weeks before the wedding.

I still find it amazing, that under my nose all that time I went through self inflicted pain, was the man of my dreams. Our families like to joke that we should have just gotten together years ago and wouldn't have gone through all the hard times. True, but we'd never have made it. Both of us still had to grow up and live. Our pasts are what have made us so deeply in love today. I am an avid reader and writer of Romance novels, much to the distate of my father. I have been all my life. He's always said love doesn't happen like that. One day, when I'm brave enough, I'll tell him. Yes Daddy it does. And it'll hit you when you least want it.

These were just kind of long posts I guess, and I'm sorry but I'm a writer and I believe in development, I can't skip it even when I'm writing nonfiction style stuff. But now I can delve into the planning which, in it's own way, has been a nightmare and a blessing.

[reecey]

That is a very sweet story - just reinforces my thoughts of everything happening for a reason. We all go through trials and tribulations to bring us to a place that we want and need to be - with those that we want and need to be with. I went through hell before I got to be with the man of my dreams, including the man of my nightmares. But then again, hindsight is 20/20. I'm glad you shared it. It really helps to share our stories I think because we can all give a little better suggestions and ideas if we know a little about eachother. You've been through hell, girl! Its time for a happy life for you! :)

[AmandaJ]

So true. I hoped the things I went through and feel can help another realize she's in the same boat and not alone.

I'm also a firm believer that if you don't go through Mr Very Wrong, then Mr Very Right will never appear to you. He will always seem "not your type" or seem like he'll just be another Mr Wrong so you pass him by.

[AmandaJ]

November 2004- The planning begins...or so I thought..

The date at this time really hadn't changed yet. It was still set at Sept 25th. First big problem....mother. She really doesn't seem to care or want to be involved in the planning. She complains that all I talk about is the wedding and she just doesnt' want to hear about. She's burned out already. Again, we fall into that old ways of "everything's about mom" and my weight and my disregard for upkeep on my appearance. Sure, I don't dry my hair that often and just pin it back and up, I don't overdo the makeup, I don't wax my eyebrows or get my hair dyed blonde all the time. In fact, I've begun dying it back to brunette because of I'm sick of seeming like a clone to my three (my blood sister, and my two twin half-sisters....all younger then me and skinny cheerleaders) who all do the blonde highlight thing. I don't get fake nails put on..etc etc.. you get the point here. We break the news to everyone else in the family and the first words out of my step-brothers wife Arlene is...."Are you pregnant?" Grrr. Of course, this gets passed around the family and now everyone seems to dislike her for the comment, although I'm quite sure of what's being spoken behind my back. I shush about wedding plans and hide back into my shell with Derek where life is perfect. I go do a little wedding dress shopping on my own, kind of depressing with noone there to help you or share in the moment so I cry in the dressing room and then leave. I continue to "shop" the net for locations and find out there is a big wedding extravaganza going to occur in Jan in my town. Derek wants to go, so I do then and so does his mom. Upon telling this to my mother...finally she wants to go .

Before the big Jan event arrives Derek and I come across this beautiful little chapel about 45 min south from us. It's called the Chapel of the Doves. It's so perfect for us and they have a great package. We decide to have dinner with my dad and he goes over the paperwork we were given listing the prices and stuff they give. Daddy offers to pay $500 of the $650 total. Wow! Derek and I are broke literally. We live pay check to paycheck and barely scrap by. It actually seems possible I could have a beautiful wedding and it be affordable so we will have enough money to go on a decent honeymoon instead of just to Branson, MO (which I live about 1 hour north of). If anyone knows about Branson....ugh...it's the country cheese capital of the US. This package includes, minister(Oh Derek and I don't belong to church), use of the chapel for 3 hours, a cake to feed up to 100 people, punch, punch bowl, cups, silverware, nuts, mints, music, tons of candles and candleabras, plants, flowers, my bouquet, his boutanaire(I can't spell today!), 15 posed pictures on CD and all setup and cleanup. Mickey..their wedding coordinator is really nice though a bit flighty. We are pretty set on this place. Yay!

The Wedding thing gets here and we go, it's really a great day all and all. Lots of skinny girls( I really don't have anything against them....it just sometimes hurts when you have a mother and father and sisters who base everything in life on weight) with their professional coordinators there butting in front of me to talk to vendors..but I'm blowing this off. We can't afford any of the products or services out there but it's just fun and interesting to see what all is out there. I sign up for this silly free wedding thing from this radio station just for the heck of it. The day has been exhausting, but still I had a great time and felt more into the swing of planning, although that nagging disappointment of not having some things for the full traditional bride still clutches at you. Sometimes, it's hard to shake off those feelings when you want things but afford them. It's about you and your man, not the pretty things right?

The Chapel falls through. We call Mickey to settle the date and time, etc...she can't even remember us let alone keep any details right. and she's talking about them selling the place!. I just have a hard time giving this woman money so we decide to think of something else. -sigh- Oh well it can still be done...must keep my chin up!

[AmandaJ]

One week after the wedding thing, I get a call at work from the radio station. Derek and I have been drawn to compete for the free wedding. Oh Lord Almighty!. We are both very shy and loner type people how could we possibly be outgoing enough to win a radio contest? But it's worth a shot. However, the wedding date would be Feb 14th. Two weeks away. Holy cow I'm not ready for that, for the commitment. And neither is Derek, still we go. Turns out, the whole thing was a blast!. The wedding is for $10,000 worth of things, pretty much all free. Dress, photographer, video...floral. Everything including the reception is arranged. The other 4 couples were great. The game turned out to be like the old Dating show. The guys are asked questions, and the girls are asked different questions and seperated. Then they ask the guys what we said to our questions. Derek misses two of mine and I get all of his...Pretty good score and the other couples say they might as well go home now. However, one couple misses two and ties with us, and the other gets them all right. She thinks she's going to win but! Bonus round. Derek and I are in the third place with the chance to win it. Question to me: "What dwarf out of Disney's seven dwarves does Derek think best describes him" Ugh. Think Think Think Think....Derek's very very very shy...so Bashful! Perfect answer. Wrong. He said sleepy. Sure he complains of being tired all the time but he doesn't actually sleep!! -sigh- Oh well, we didn't really want it right? The next couple is the one who got all their questions right, they miss it also. We still don't have a chance but she does if the next couple (who tied with us number of question wise but who had more points) misses theres. They get theirs right so they win. -sigh again- Oh well, it was a great experience and one I'm going to love telling our kids. We were nicknamed the "smiley" couple by Kevin and Liz of the morning show we did this on. I plan to make a photo album to send it to them of the wedding because they were so great and nice to us. I felt so bad for the other girl who thought she'd won and hadn't. She was heart broken but was really a poor sport about not winning.

Now the funny thing is...and I so love harressing Derek about this..yes I missed the last question, but he missed TWO really easy ones of mine. One of them I can give him because it was kind of hard...it was about whether his family was more like The Fockers, the Brady Bunch, or the Adams family. None of the above was not an option so I went with the Brady Bunch but he said Fockers which was probably the least likely one.

The other question was about which Sean I liked the most: Sean Penn, Sean William Scott, Sean Connery, or Sean "puffy" Combs. This was sure to have been the perfect question for us, just the night before I'd been complaining how I can't stand Sean William Scott(I think that's his name anyways). I'm the "First Knight" kind of girl with Sean Connery and he so knows this. Guess who he picked? Sean William Scott! Ugh....I'm going to harress him on that for the rest of his life.

Had he gotten those two right, even though the last couple got their bonus question right, we would have won. Kinda depressing when it would have been everything I want and free!!
Still happy smile, we had a great time, and it just wasn't meant to be. So we decide to go to the romance world of Eureka Springs, AR.

[AmandaJ]

March 2005..

We had decided on Eureka Springs, set up a small vacation to go around Derek's Birthday which is March 9th. However, Derek's dad was rushed to the hospital that monday. Chances looked rather slim for Joe(Derek's dad), but the outlook was that he was really stable and would probably pull through this particular bout of pneumonia but anything else would kill him, so we didn't want to go even though Eureka Springs, Arkansas is only about 2 hours south of me. Under much pushing of his family we went ahead and went. Plans were to stay 3 days and 2 nights. We stayed the first night ok and met with some different Bed and Breakfasts that do weddings. It was Derek's birthday so we went out to dinner and had a really nice time. This was a wednesday. We met with this lady who owned a beautiful chapel. Her price fit our budget and I loved the place, so we decided this would be it. We went back to our hotel room and right as Derek was about to help work the kinks out of my calf muscles (walking 8 hours on a bad knee and ankle tend to cramp my muscles up badly) we got a phone call. It was Derek's cousin. Joe had taken a turn for the worst and we should really get back. Derek was in no shape to drive (this was his birthday after all and if Joe died...his birthday just wouldn't be right anymore) so I drove. 2 hours straight at 10 o'clock at night. We made it back and stayed at the hospital. Barely got any sleep that night but Thurs morning I told Derek I had to go shower and change clothes plus check on our cat (Actually I despise hospital's and was about to go into a panic attack so had to get out). While I was gone, the dr ***e out and said we needed to decide if we wanted to let Joe go or keep him on machines. They waited until I got back before an answer was given. Joe's wish was to not be kept alive by means of machines, so we had them removed. One more night in this hospital and my legs were so cramped I couldn't walk. Joe passed away March 11th, 2005 at 1:20 in the morning. Derek's mom was a disaster and I trulley thought we were going to have to admit her just to be safe, but the desicion was made for Derek and I to move in with his mom. It's had it's moments believe me but it's probably for the better because three months laters she's still having a real hard time being alone....We made the decision that we'd try to find a place in Springfield now because of all the travel family had to make because of the funeral, we didn't want to put people out for their summer vacations. Back to the drawing board!

[AmandaJ]

The plans as they have been for the past 3 months:

Tuxes- This was the easy part...the guys all said they'd pay for theirs and they are only $50 each for everything and are awesome...plus the guy knows Derek's mom so he gave us Derek's for free!

Flowers- I'm making everything myself, caught many half off sales at Hobby Lobby and Michaels and I really like most of them. My bouquet is simple but pretty with purple ribbons to match our colors. Royal purple, lilac, and silver. I still have to finish these up with 7 days left...but should be quick and easy still.

My dress- Oh. My. God. what a fiasco. Kept trying to get my mother to go but it was excuse after excuse after excuse...I finally broke down in tears one night and poof she decides to go ( I think Linda...Derek's mom... called her) We looked for one day and I found one I love...it's at David's Bridal. Actually, the first one I picked out was sleeveless...I have such a deal with arms that I decided for a sleeved one that has the train I so desired. You can see it here...

http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridal_gowns_detail.jsp?stid=1895&prodgroup=91

A lady I work with did the hem for free...and then the top alterations is simple as pie to do on our own so no need to pay for those!

Cake- It's just going to be a two tier white cake with buttercream frosting and purple roses all over it. We are getting two 1/2 sheet cakes, one chocolate and one white, with a nice rose design on it. Feeds a total of 200 people which should be plenty. All for $104.00...and it's being made by a long time friend that works in the bakery of the store Derek and I both worked at..so we trust her completely.

Location- We found a cute chapel called Bethany chapel. It only seats about 100 people so this should be fun when our guest list is like almost 200...we trimmed what we could but basically praying peope don't show (isn't that sad to say). Due to the time of day (4 pm) most of the people I work with can't come and I want to celebrate with them the most because they have been more family than my own. So we put the reception on Sunday the 26th at 6:30 at a community center nearby.

Rings and my Tiara- I found two great buys online. The first site is for my Tiara...I have always wanted the princess style wedding but most Tiara's I saw were way out of my range...It's called Park Ave Designs and it's based out of Oregan. I can't remember the site off hand but just do a search on it and you should find it easily. I got the exact same Tiara I tried on at David's Bridal that was marked $250 for $45 AND I got to change the color of the stones to be clear and amethyst which matches my purple colors totally. The piece is beautiful and well made so I'm a fan of this place already. The rings I also got online. I don't trust Derek with these things and so he let me do it all pretty much. Right now we are on a really thin budget so we didn't want to spend a fortune on rings and not be able to have a honeymoon. We both have poor credit so financing is not an option. Derek's ring is just what he wanted. 14k white gold comfort fit band. It was $63. My ring is actually two seperate rings. To mimic a bridal set, I got a CZ eternity style band in sterling silver for $22 and a promise ring style solitare CZ in sterling silver for $20. I got these on Goldenmine.com Mine together, has fooled nearly everyone. We got free shipping and they arrived quickly by USPS. They fit and are beautiful. I work with a guy who used to be a jeweler and he checked them out. He was amazed at how well crafted they were and that the cut on my solitaire is one of the best CZ cuts he's ever seen and he was in the business for 35 years. yay! two great finds that saved us a ton of money.

Shoes- Shoe carnival had a pair of "glass slippers" for $40. uncomfortable right now but beautiful, and I"m stretching them out. I get to be Cinderella...the best thing about it all.

Bridesmaid dresses- By far this has been a nightmare. My mother...again...said she'd buy the dresses since my maid of honor and my two bridesmaids are my sisters. We had the same problem again and I kept asking over and over and over again to go. Finally I just pitched a fit in the middle of a big storm and got to take them looking. She didn't want to get dresses for bridesmaids, since she wanted them to be able to wear again. What can I say when she's paying and I can't afford them? Newsflash as we looked. PURPLE is NOT in style. We looked everywhere for something they could all wear and like in purple but ***e up with nothing. Finally we decided on three black dresses that have this green thing in them we can cut out. However, when you take the green thing out the front they are really skanky looking. So to fix this I'm going to find three purple poncho type shaws that are so popular out. I think they will look cute over it because the girls hair is going to be a in a low side pony tail over their shoulders with ringles and we took one of the flowers (rose with dew drops) and attached them to a ponytail holder to tie into their hair. With light pastel makeup it will look real classy and summery. I hope!

[NYjerseygirl]

I found your journal date twin!! I just wanted to pop in and say congrats and I hope you have a perfect day! :)

[AmandaJ]

Bridesmaid dresses....No shaw thing..but I had one of the girls try hers on for me again and I messed with it, I can safety pin the green stuff without it being noticed and then if I get a brooch (which I have found 3 matching purple ones!) it pulls it and they are fine.



3 more days...I'm finally getting excited.

[Marsha]

NOOOO more stressing if its not done dont do it.. spend a nice day with you FH and relax, enjoy your wedding and CONGRATS!!! your going to me a MRS. soon!!!

[AmandaJ]

It's official. I'm married. :)

I can't believe it's over honestly and, so silly but I'm depressed about it because I can't remember the whole ceremony!! The only thing I do remember was turning into stressed out bridezilla.........UGH.

Here's how things went....and I'll be posting up a website soon of pictures and all the good details I've never really added here so anyone that can possibly go through what I did can see learn from it.

Friday night hardly anyone showed up for the rehearsal dinner. We just had a cookout in my MIL's backyard, which is actually our backyard for now since we are living there. Flies were all over the food no matter what we did.
But it was fairly relaxing and nice although I hardly got to spend any time with Derek. Then it ***e time for the horrid thing of me having to go with my mom and stay the night at her house since everyone had pressured us into this thing that we couldn't be together that night. Everything caught up with me and I had a complete nervous break down. I have never hurt so badly then the idea of leaving Derek's side. Derek was going to go with his best man bowling for his bachelor party. He asked if I wanted to come since Linda(MIL) was going also. I said sure until I found out it was at 11 o'clock. I was exhausted as it was. I felt so selfish not wanting Derek to go so I held back that it was hurting and huffed that I'd just pack and go to my mom's by myself alone...in my car...driving alone for 45 minutes...major guilt trip!! When I sat down on the bed my body gave out and I couldn't move. My heart felt like it was being ripped into shreds. I burst into tears. Derek called my mom to see if she would come get me and she decided it was best I just stayed....here and my stepdad slept in the same room the night before their wedding and blah blah...although she was one of the biggest instigators for the whole we couldn't stay together that night ordeal to begin with...nope she wasn't going to be the bad guy here. So Derek ***e in the bedroom and told me I was staying and that was final, he didn't care what anyone thought....but by this time my nerves were totally frayed and I didn't want to go out or see people but Derek still wanted to go bowling...He couldn't leave my side and his mom was in tears because she thought I felt she was kicking me out etc, I felt so selfish not wanting Derek to go that it kept hurting more being torn between what I wanted and trying to let go. Whew, let me tell you that was the hardest night of my life. A few good things did come from it though. Any doubts about marrying Derek were gone for me. I am so head over heels in love with him I'm still on cloud 9 about it. It also brought Linda and I closer. She said even thoughs he knew I loved her son, any doubt she had about pushing us together was gone and that she knew she could let him go and know he was going to be just fine. Derek is her only son and with her husband deceased she's pretty lonely. Letting Derek go was even harder. So as painful as it was, it was the perfect thing to happen. Derek never went bowling so I owe him bigtime!!

Sat...oh Lord have mercy on anyone in my path....When you think your prepared forget it...your not. We forgot to get oil for the unity candle, I couldn't find the CD that had all our music on it, my hair looked horrible, everyone was yipping at me to get downstairs to my room to get changed but NOONE would help me get things set up I was having to do it all by myself....but this was nothing compared to what awaited me at my mom's that morning when I arrived.

I walked in the front door and my MOH and two bridesmaids were in the kitchen as our guest book attendant was racing out the front door almost plowing me over. Get this....she was on her way to meet my mother who was at the mall and they were buying NEW DRESSES FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING!!!!!!! I think I almost had a stroke. The dresses worked out but good grief....don't ever ever do that to a bride on her wedding day unless your wanting to kill her.

There were more little nightmares throughout the day but I'll rant on those later.

The best part of it all(next to marrying Derek)..my dad......Daddy is not a touchy feely person. We never say I love you, we never hug...etc...it's just the way it is..Well my mom did the best thing she could have done for me..as much as her and my dad hate each other, she decided he needed to be brought downstairs to see me all dressed up before I went upstairs in front of the door where he was to meet me. My step-sister(our videographer) ***e downstairs and my MOH and I walked out where my dad has his back turned. I come up to him and they turn him around. Daddy starts balling like a baby and hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am...I'm sitting here crying thinking about it. That was the best moment of my life with my dad and it washed away everything from the past between he and I. And it's all on video!!! He walked me down the aisle and Derek told me later he was almost crying again when he gave my hand to Derek. Afterwards when he ***e out in the line thingy, he just grabbed Derek and bearhugged him for what felt like forever. He told us he loved us both and how perfect we were for one another and just went on and on...He cried again one more time as we were leaving to go to his house to clean our car(a whole nother story...people are going to die for what they did to my car!!) He gave us envelope in which was the title to my car...he paid it off completely as a wedding gift. We still owed over $3000 on it. He also gave us $500 in cash which just completely erased our honeymoon money worries. Who'd have ever thought my dad would be so emotional?

I can remember two major things about the ceremony itself...well three...Derek's hands holding mine and the warmth from them....ok make his four...he was sweating like hell it was so hot!!...

My shoes were killing me. I have a weak ankle on my right leg and a bad knee on my left...I felt my ankle start to give while I was standing there. Derek told me he could feel my whole body beginning to tremble as I tried to stay standing. I made it but I'm still hurting badly. My mom said everyone was commenting about when Derek went in for a kiss it looked like I was backing away...I was actually starting to collapse backwards...

The other big thing I remember is the front of my dress. It was sticking out so far I could see straight down the inside and so could Derek!!!. It doesn't show to much in the pictures but it was the worst thing to see happen.

Everything else is just a blur.

[SarahK]

It's official. I'm married. :)

I can't believe it's over honestly and, so silly but I'm depressed about it because I can't remember the whole ceremony!! The only thing I do remember was turning into stressed out bridezilla.........UGH.

Here's how things went....and I'll be posting up a website soon of pictures and all the good details I've never really added here so anyone that can possibly go through what I did can see learn from it.

Friday night hardly anyone showed up for the rehearsal dinner. We just had a cookout in my MIL's backyard, which is actually our backyard for now since we are living there. Flies were all over the food no matter what we did.
But it was fairly relaxing and nice although I hardly got to spend any time with Derek. Then it ***e time for the horrid thing of me having to go with my mom and stay the night at her house since everyone had pressured us into this thing that we couldn't be together that night. Everything caught up with me and I had a complete nervous break down. I have never hurt so badly then the idea of leaving Derek's side. Derek was going to go with his best man bowling for his bachelor party. He asked if I wanted to come since Linda(MIL) was going also. I said sure until I found out it was at 11 o'clock. I was exhausted as it was. I felt so selfish not wanting Derek to go so I held back that it was hurting and huffed that I'd just pack and go to my mom's by myself alone...in my car...driving alone for 45 minutes...major guilt trip!! When I sat down on the bed my body gave out and I couldn't move. My heart felt like it was being ripped into shreds. I burst into tears. Derek called my mom to see if she would come get me and she decided it was best I just stayed....here and my stepdad slept in the same room the night before their wedding and blah blah...although she was one of the biggest instigators for the whole we couldn't stay together that night ordeal to begin with...nope she wasn't going to be the bad guy here. So Derek ***e in the bedroom and told me I was staying and that was final, he didn't care what anyone thought....but by this time my nerves were totally frayed and I didn't want to go out or see people but Derek still wanted to go bowling...He couldn't leave my side and his mom was in tears because she thought I felt she was kicking me out etc, I felt so selfish not wanting Derek to go that it kept hurting more being torn between what I wanted and trying to let go. Whew, let me tell you that was the hardest night of my life. A few good things did come from it though. Any doubts about marrying Derek were gone for me. I am so head over heels in love with him I'm still on cloud 9 about it. It also brought Linda and I closer. She said even thoughs he knew I loved her son, any doubt she had about pushing us together was gone and that she knew she could let him go and know he was going to be just fine. Derek is her only son and with her husband deceased she's pretty lonely. Letting Derek go was even harder. So as painful as it was, it was the perfect thing to happen. Derek never went bowling so I owe him bigtime!!

Sat...oh Lord have mercy on anyone in my path....When you think your prepared forget it...your not. We forgot to get oil for the unity candle, I couldn't find the CD that had all our music on it, my hair looked horrible, everyone was yipping at me to get downstairs to my room to get changed but NOONE would help me get things set up I was having to do it all by myself....but this was nothing compared to what awaited me at my mom's that morning when I arrived.

I walked in the front door and my MOH and two bridesmaids were in the kitchen as our guest book attendant was racing out the front door almost plowing me over. Get this....she was on her way to meet my mother who was at the mall and they were buying NEW DRESSES FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING!!!!!!! I think I almost had a stroke. The dresses worked out but good grief....don't ever ever do that to a bride on her wedding day unless your wanting to kill her.

There were more little nightmares throughout the day but I'll rant on those later.

The best part of it all(next to marrying Derek)..my dad......Daddy is not a touchy feely person. We never say I love you, we never hug...etc...it's just the way it is..Well my mom did the best thing she could have done for me..as much as her and my dad hate each other, she decided he needed to be brought downstairs to see me all dressed up before I went upstairs in front of the door where he was to meet me. My step-sister(our videographer) ***e downstairs and my MOH and I walked out where my dad has his back turned. I come up to him and they turn him around. Daddy starts balling like a baby and hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am...I'm sitting here crying thinking about it. That was the best moment of my life with my dad and it washed away everything from the past between he and I. And it's all on video!!! He walked me down the aisle and Derek told me later he was almost crying again when he gave my hand to Derek. Afterwards when he ***e out in the line thingy, he just grabbed Derek and bearhugged him for what felt like forever. He told us he loved us both and how perfect we were for one another and just went on and on...He cried again one more time as we were leaving to go to his house to clean our car(a whole nother story...people are going to die for what they did to my car!!) He gave us envelope in which was the title to my car...he paid it off completely as a wedding gift. We still owed over $3000 on it. He also gave us $500 in cash which just completely erased our honeymoon money worries. Who'd have ever thought my dad would be so emotional?

I can remember two major things about the ceremony itself...well three...Derek's hands holding mine and the warmth from them....ok make his four...he was sweating like hell it was so hot!!...

My shoes were killing me. I have a weak ankle on my right leg and a bad knee on my left...I felt my ankle start to give while I was standing there. Derek told me he could feel my whole body beginning to tremble as I tried to stay standing. I made it but I'm still hurting badly. My mom said everyone was commenting about when Derek went in for a kiss it looked like I was backing away...I was actually starting to collapse backwards...

The other big thing I remember is the front of my dress. It was sticking out so far I could see straight down the inside and so could Derek!!!. It doesn't show to much in the pictures but it was the worst thing to see happen.

Everything else is just a blur.


Well, it didn't go perfectly, but you seem to have the right attitude. You are married, and happy, and thats what really matters. I think Derek probably liked being able to see down the front of your dress. LOL! ;)

I can't wait to see pics... and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

[Kelly1Mickey]

I teared when I read about you and your dad! And, things could have been worse. My officiant told me about a couple that she married in the emergency room because the groom and his mom were in an accident on the way to the ceremony!

[kg4eoh]

congratulations!!! I agree that Derek probably liked being able to see down your dress!! ;)

[AmandaJ]

Thank you all for the congrats and yes he totally enjoyed it....I think it's what kept him from passing out ! Lol.

We have decided that in 5 years and 6 months ( I can't take the heat of a summer thing again) on Christmas Day of 2010 we are going to renew our vows. This has a simbolic nature for us really and will probably settle some doubt still resting for Derek. His first marriage ended badly with her kicking him out just before their 5th year together. He blames himself even though he won't admit it to me. But I can tell when he gets down he fears that he's going to cause us to break apart so, to kill the 5 year thing I decided I'd like to renew and seeing how Rachel did hers as a big affair that is what I plan to do, so I can have the dream wedding I wished for and we have 5 years to start buying and planning!! Yippee!

[NYjerseygirl]

Amanada congratulations!!! OMG, you're my date twin, sorry I have just been so busy, do you have any non pro pics yet? I would love to see them! How was everything?

[AmandaJ]

Congrats to you too!...I have been crazy busy myself trying to get all unpacked and we are looking into buying a house of our own except I am only approved for a $55,000 loan and Derek's credit just sucks(freaking ex-wives!!) So it's been stressful..

We weren't able to afford a pro photographer so we had two family members do it...the one who used a digital..the pictures ***e out rather dark but they aren't bad. We are working on loading the disk onto my computer so I can post them up here...The other was my sister-in-law who I'm pretty sure got some nice shots since she's kinda amatuer pro. She's won several contests and is about to get one of her pictures published in some magazine. She's working with my step-sister who did the video stuff. I'm kinda put my faith in them that they did a decent job. My step-sister actually teaches videography and film editing at school so she's got tons of equpiment and has the knowledge to put together a decent layout. However, she's working on her Masters so I told her not to worry about the length of time, just take her time and do it right...Lol..

Probably tonight I'll be able to load at least a couple...

I'm also thinking about doing a whole new journal...one to cover the next five years of planning and of our marriage before we renew our vows...Do you think that's to cheesy to do?

[fmil0625]

It's official. I'm married. :)


I can't believe it's over honestly and, so silly but I'm depressed about it because I can't remember the whole ceremony!! The only thing I do remember was turning into stressed out bridezilla.........UGH.

Here's how things went....and I'll be posting up a website soon of pictures and all the good details I've never really added here so anyone that can possibly go through what I did can see learn from it.

Friday night hardly anyone showed up for the rehearsal dinner. We just had a cookout in my MIL's backyard, which is actually our backyard for now since we are living there. Flies were all over the food no matter what we did.
But it was fairly relaxing and nice although I hardly got to spend any time with Derek. Then it ***e time for the horrid thing of me having to go with my mom and stay the night at her house since everyone had pressured us into this thing that we couldn't be together that night. Everything caught up with me and I had a complete nervous break down. I have never hurt so badly then the idea of leaving Derek's side. Derek was going to go with his best man bowling for his bachelor party. He asked if I wanted to come since Linda(MIL) was going also. I said sure until I found out it was at 11 o'clock. I was exhausted as it was. I felt so selfish not wanting Derek to go so I held back that it was hurting and huffed that I'd just pack and go to my mom's by myself alone...in my car...driving alone for 45 minutes...major guilt trip!! When I sat down on the bed my body gave out and I couldn't move. My heart felt like it was being ripped into shreds. I burst into tears. Derek called my mom to see if she would come get me and she decided it was best I just stayed....here and my stepdad slept in the same room the night before their wedding and blah blah...although she was one of the biggest instigators for the whole we couldn't stay together that night ordeal to begin with...nope she wasn't going to be the bad guy here. So Derek ***e in the bedroom and told me I was staying and that was final, he didn't care what anyone thought....but by this time my nerves were totally frayed and I didn't want to go out or see people but Derek still wanted to go bowling...He couldn't leave my side and his mom was in tears because she thought I felt she was kicking me out etc, I felt so selfish not wanting Derek to go that it kept hurting more being torn between what I wanted and trying to let go. Whew, let me tell you that was the hardest night of my life. A few good things did come from it though. Any doubts about marrying Derek were gone for me. I am so head over heels in love with him I'm still on cloud 9 about it. It also brought Linda and I closer. She said even thoughs he knew I loved her son, any doubt she had about pushing us together was gone and that she knew she could let him go and know he was going to be just fine. Derek is her only son and with her husband deceased she's pretty lonely. Letting Derek go was even harder. So as painful as it was, it was the perfect thing to happen. Derek never went bowling so I owe him bigtime!!

Sat...oh Lord have mercy on anyone in my path....When you think your prepared forget it...your not. We forgot to get oil for the unity candle, I couldn't find the CD that had all our music on it, my hair looked horrible, everyone was yipping at me to get downstairs to my room to get changed but NOONE would help me get things set up I was having to do it all by myself....but this was nothing compared to what awaited me at my mom's that morning when I arrived.

I walked in the front door and my MOH and two bridesmaids were in the kitchen as our guest book attendant was racing out the front door almost plowing me over. Get this....she was on her way to meet my mother who was at the mall and they were buying NEW DRESSES FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE WEDDING!!!!!!! I think I almost had a stroke. The dresses worked out but good grief....don't ever ever do that to a bride on her wedding day unless your wanting to kill her.

There were more little nightmares throughout the day but I'll rant on those later.

The best part of it all(next to marrying Derek)..my dad......Daddy is not a touchy feely person. We never say I love you, we never hug...etc...it's just the way it is..Well my mom did the best thing she could have done for me..as much as her and my dad hate each other, she decided he needed to be brought downstairs to see me all dressed up before I went upstairs in front of the door where he was to meet me. My step-sister(our videographer) ***e downstairs and my MOH and I walked out where my dad has his back turned. I come up to him and they turn him around. Daddy starts balling like a baby and hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am...I'm sitting here crying thinking about it. That was the best moment of my life with my dad and it washed away everything from the past between he and I. And it's all on video!!! He walked me down the aisle and Derek told me later he was almost crying again when he gave my hand to Derek. Afterwards when he ***e out in the line thingy, he just grabbed Derek and bearhugged him for what felt like forever. He told us he loved us both and how perfect we were for one another and just went on and on...He cried again one more time as we were leaving to go to his house to clean our car(a whole nother story...people are going to die for what they did to my car!!) He gave us envelope in which was the title to my car...he paid it off completely as a wedding gift. We still owed over $3000 on it. He also gave us $500 in cash which just completely erased our honeymoon money worries. Who'd have ever thought my dad would be so emotional?

I can remember two major things about the ceremony itself...well three...Derek's hands holding mine and the warmth from them....ok make his four...he was sweating like hell it was so hot!!...

My shoes were killing me. I have a weak ankle on my right leg and a bad knee on my left...I felt my ankle start to give while I was standing there. Derek told me he could feel my whole body beginning to tremble as I tried to stay standing. I made it but I'm still hurting badly. My mom said everyone was commenting about when Derek went in for a kiss it looked like I was backing away...I was actually starting to collapse backwards...

The other big thing I remember is the front of my dress. It was sticking out so far I could see straight down the inside and so could Derek!!!. It doesn't show to much in the pictures but it was the worst thing to see happen.

Everything else is just a blur.

Congratulations Amanda, I'm happy to hear that your Dad ***e through for you. Good luck on buying a home, I'm sure everything will work out fine. (Be thankful you're not buying in California!) :)

[MusicCityGirl]

Wow your story about you and your dad made me tear up. That is so awesome. Congrats!

[Marsha]

Wow your story about you and your dad made me tear up. That is so awesome. Congrats!
congrats! its over, now go make babies lol

[Kelly1Mickey]

LOL...yeah, they are kind of big...but you look beautiful and your rings are gorgeous!

hmmm...ok...I saw your pics. I replied. Now the pics are gone?! Or is it just me??? Maybe I had one too many glasses of wine at dinner tonight....

[AmandaJ]

LOl wow your quick Kelley. I am trying to get them to size. They were huge! I decided to go ahead and delete my message until I can get it right but thank you!

[Kelly1Mickey]

LOl wow your quick Kelley. I am trying to get them to size. They were huge! I decided to go ahead and delete my message until I can get it right but thank you!


LOL..ok...I wasn't crazy!

[AmandaJ]

I finally have pictures I think sized properly. If anyone thinks they are to big pleasee tell me!

This is our rings. It's not the clearest picture but I hope to get ahold of a ***era where I can take a better one and you can see the detail more. I'll try to find the pictures from the site we bought them from which has much better detail.
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/dramaticvisions/OurRings.jpg

At the reception place, there was an arch outside that we went and took pictures at. These are our best ones I think. Keep in mind none of our pictures are professional so they aren't the clearest things on the planet.
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/dramaticvisions/Usunderarch.jpg

[AmandaJ]

Here's a back view of my train. I'm really trying to work on zooming in to get details on here.

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/dramaticvisions/BackView2ofDress.jpg

[AmandaJ]

I have to put this picture in...this was one of our flowergirls. Morgan is my cousin's 4 year old daughter and she is just the cutest thing to walk this planet. I don't know how she ***e from her mother though Lol.
http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/dramaticvisions/100_1636_0009.jpg