frustrated!

[Daisies1983]

Ok. So my fiance had not settled on a Best Man in April - him and I had discussed this in March and I told him he had until May 20th (one year til we get married). Well, one day in April, my MoH calls me up and we are talking...suddenly she says, "Has your FH chosen a BM yet?" And I said no, not yet...before I could explain what me and FH had agreed on, she says, "Well, if he doesn't chose one soon, I am going to appoint a GM to do the BM's jobs until FH can get on the ball." I was like, whoa, wait a minute - I explained what me and the FH had decided - and then she says, "well, he has til May - I'm going to get a GM to fill in until FH can decide." I was quite ill with this for TWO reasons. First, SHE has not done a S@#% with me. Nothing. We used to talk quite frequently before I asked her to be the MoH - now, we MIGHT talk once every two weeks - I'll call her but she doesn't answer. I'll msg her on the pc but she doesn't respond - in fact, I called her Monday and left a msg - the 2nd - and today she responded thru the pc that she's been busy and we'll get together Tuesday (never asked me if tuesday would work for ME, but anyway...) Second, what the heck does a BM do right now anyway? She's the one I want to come shopping with me, not the BM!!! We don't NEED a BM until like, 2 weeks before the wedding, right?!? (I am so ill, so please excuse my exclamation points...)

Ok. So the FH choses a BM near the end of April - its fine, the guy is adorable, responsible, great, not to mention a fantastic friend to my FH....he is just the right guy for the job. I tell MoH. She has never met this guy (and me and my FH think she was wanting us to pick her bf - we decided we might have troubles like Mauigirl....not good, so no to that) and she asks me to describe the BM - and then says, "Is he short?" I was stumped for a moment, and I tell her he's average height for a guy - she wails, "oh NO!" (She's quite tall for a female) She then starts saying how she'll look terrible walking down the aisle with a short guy, blah, blah...I try to make light of it, say oh, just don't wear heels when you dance with him at the reception - she says, "I have to dance with him?" I thought the wedding party danced together - I know I, a bridesmaid, danced with a groomsmen at my brothers wedding - maybe I am wrong?

Her entire role so far has been NADA. (other then to complain about the height of a guy she's never seen). She doesn't offer to do anything and I have asked her a few times to go dress shopping or look thru magazines but I didn't want to keep asking and keep asking like a begging dog - What should I do? My FH is getting ****ed off with her cause he sees the stress this is causing me. And I know this is long but I am feeling SO stressed out cause I have like a little over a year before the big day and I have done NOTHING and I keep changing my mind over everything and I have NO ONE to bounce things off of (My FH cares, but he's like, this is your thing. My mom says she wants me to decide cause she wants my wedding to be perfect....) I am :(.

[reecey]

Ok. So my fiance had not settled on a Best Man in April - him and I had discussed this in March and I told him he had until May 20th (one year til we get married). Well, one day in April, my MoH calls me up and we are talking...suddenly she says, "Has your FH chosen a BM yet?" And I said no, not yet...before I could explain what me and FH had agreed on, she says, "Well, if he doesn't chose one soon, I am going to appoint a GM to do the BM's jobs until FH can get on the ball." I was like, whoa, wait a minute - I explained what me and the FH had decided - and then she says, "well, he has til May - I'm going to get a GM to fill in until FH can decide." I was quite ill with this for TWO reasons. First, SHE has not done a S@#% with me. Nothing. We used to talk quite frequently before I asked her to be the MoH - now, we MIGHT talk once every two weeks - I'll call her but she doesn't answer. I'll msg her on the pc but she doesn't respond - in fact, I called her Monday and left a msg - the 2nd - and today she responded thru the pc that she's been busy and we'll get together Tuesday (never asked me if tuesday would work for ME, but anyway...) Second, what the heck does a BM do right now anyway? She's the one I want to come shopping with me, not the BM!!! We don't NEED a BM until like, 2 weeks before the wedding, right?!? (I am so ill, so please excuse my exclamation points...)

Ok. So the FH choses a BM near the end of April - its fine, the guy is adorable, responsible, great, not to mention a fantastic friend to my FH....he is just the right guy for the job. I tell MoH. She has never met this guy (and me and my FH think she was wanting us to pick her bf - we decided we might have troubles like Mauigirl....not good, so no to that) and she asks me to describe the BM - and then says, "Is he short?" I was stumped for a moment, and I tell her he's average height for a guy - she wails, "oh NO!" (She's quite tall for a female) She then starts saying how she'll look terrible walking down the aisle with a short guy, blah, blah...I try to make light of it, say oh, just don't wear heels when you dance with him at the reception - she says, "I have to dance with him?" I thought the wedding party danced together - I know I, a bridesmaid, danced with a groomsmen at my brothers wedding - maybe I am wrong?

Her entire role so far has been NADA. (other then to complain about the height of a guy she's never seen). She doesn't offer to do anything and I have asked her a few times to go dress shopping or look thru magazines but I didn't want to keep asking and keep asking like a begging dog - What should I do? My FH is getting ****ed off with her cause he sees the stress this is causing me. And I know this is long but I am feeling SO stressed out cause I have like a little over a year before the big day and I have done NOTHING and I keep changing my mind over everything and I have NO ONE to bounce things off of (My FH cares, but he's like, this is your thing. My mom says she wants me to decide cause she wants my wedding to be perfect....) I am :(.


Sounds like you need to pick a new MOH - and you're right - you don't need a best man - the groom does, so its not really any concern of the moh or anyone else. I think you need to tell her to pipe down and remind her that this is your wedding. Ask her if she's going to be there to help you and support you...
As for looking funny with a shorter guy....she doesn't even KNOW if the guy is shorter or not first of all, secondly, NO ONE is going to be looking at her, they're going to be looking at you :)

[Kelly1Mickey]

This sounds like yet another person that has to be told that this is YOUR wedding, not HERS! Did she ever give you a reason that she needed a BM right away? What does she need him for? I really can't think of anything the MOH and BM need each other for except to coordinate the date of the bachelor/ bachelorette parties. And it seems to me, it is a little early for that.

As far as her disinterest in the wedding...of course, it would really difficult to 'unask' her. But what about giving her a chance to back out. Just remind her that being a MOH requires a lot of dedication and time and if she isn't able to fulfill her responsibilities you would understand.

[esp1087]

Plus, it sounds like she is jealous especially if she is starting to avoid you and doesn't want to discuss the wedding. I would get together with her and chat. Tell her how you feel that she really isn't interested and ask her if there is something bothering her. Give her a chance to explain herself or see what she is doing before telling her you're getting a new MOH. Good luck!!!