View Full Version : Too many Flowergirls!
Lizzerd217
04-28-2005, 08:54 PM
I have tons of nieces and nephews. There is one niece that I'm very close to who is almost 6. She is my first pick for flower girl. She has a little sister who will be 3 in August. (The girls will be 7 and 4 at the time of the wedding). I feel bad just having the 6 year old as the flower girl. I know that at that age if my sister was chosen to be a flower girl and I wasn't, I'd be heart broken. So I think I'm going to choose both of them. but now I feel guilty about my other neice (from a different brother) who will be 2 at the time of the wedding, should I put her in the wedding too? If I do I will have 3 flower girls. Is 2 year old too young for a flower girl? Should I then have 3 ring bearers. I have 3 nephews and my fiance' has one. How many do I choose. I'm so confused! :confused: Help!
Liz - Wedding@marketacquire.com
I have tons of nieces and nephews. There is one niece that I'm very close to who is almost 6. She is my first pick for flower girl. She has a little sister who will be 3 in August. (The girls will be 7 and 4 at the time of the wedding). I feel bad just having the 6 year old as the flower girl. I know that at that age if my sister was chosen to be a flower girl and I wasn't, I'd be heart broken. So I think I'm going to choose both of them. but now I feel guilty about my other neice (from a different brother) who will be 2 at the time of the wedding, should I put her in the wedding too? If I do I will have 3 flower girls. Is 2 year old too young for a flower girl? Should I then have 3 ring bearers. I have 3 nephews and my fiance' has one. How many do I choose. I'm so confused! :confused: Help!
Liz - Wedding@marketacquire.com
I am having two flower girls and one ring bearer. What are the ages of the boys? If they are old enough and you are having a train on your dress you can always have the older ones in charge of your train. I have also heard of a bell person which goes right in front of the bride announcing the bride is coming. Let me know the ages of ALL of the kids and I am sure we can figure something out for ALL of them to do.
esp1087
04-28-2005, 10:03 PM
I have tons of nieces and nephews. There is one niece that I'm very close to who is almost 6. She is my first pick for flower girl. She has a little sister who will be 3 in August. (The girls will be 7 and 4 at the time of the wedding). I feel bad just having the 6 year old as the flower girl. I know that at that age if my sister was chosen to be a flower girl and I wasn't, I'd be heart broken. So I think I'm going to choose both of them. but now I feel guilty about my other neice (from a different brother) who will be 2 at the time of the wedding, should I put her in the wedding too? If I do I will have 3 flower girls. Is 2 year old too young for a flower girl? Should I then have 3 ring bearers. I have 3 nephews and my fiance' has one. How many do I choose. I'm so confused! :confused: Help!
Liz - Wedding@marketacquire.com
I would not include the 2 year old as a flowergirl. Unfortunately she wouldn't remember if she was a flowergirl, but more importantly, she would have a hard time walking down the aisle by herself. At least with the 4 year old and 6 year old you can have them walk down holding hands. I think 2 is too young. She'll be terrified. A pastor told a friend that the youngest that a child should be that is in the wedding is 5, but I think 4 would be okay especially if she can walk with her sister.
I would keep the age in mind for the ringbearers also. You can always include them in other ways, but you don't want a crying child refusing to walk down the aisle when they are supposed to... I've seen that happen.
I'm not trying to scare you... I hope that helps! Oh, and maybe you can let them all know that you wish you could have everyone in the wedding! Really take the time to think about it before asking though because a lot of people get in trouble asking everyone then think about it later...
Good luck,
Elizabeth
esp1087
04-28-2005, 10:11 PM
I agree with nle5 though. You can easily find a place for all of the children in your wedding... You just probably don't want 5 flowergirls and 6 ringbearers (for example). Mix it up a little, be creative, and have fun with it! :)
maybride
04-28-2005, 10:47 PM
I ended up in a similar situation wanting my two nephews and my FH's two nephews in the wedding. His side of the family kind of decided for us that his 3 and 4 year old nephews would be our ringbearers. My priest also told me that five years old should really be the limit but my FH's brother, the BM, decided one would not walk down the aisle without the other and well, long story short, I have two ringbearers that don't fit the age requirement. I can deal with that. With only two weeks left, I will have to deal with that. My problem was wanting everyone to feel included. I have decided that my nephews will hand out the ceremony programs to everyone as they walk into the church. My sister-in-law thinks it's a great idea and that my nephews will love it. This way my side of the family feels included too. My niece that I wanted to make a bridesmaid but couldn't will be doing the readings at the mass. Basically, what I am trying to say is that if you just think creatively, you can include all of the children in some part of the wedding. My sister used her nephews to help with her train. Someone suggested the bell ringer and another suggested to me that I have my nephews wave flags as we exited the church. These are all fun ideas to include the kids. You just have to remember that they don't really know what jobs they were in contention for at the age of 3 and 4. Only their parents do. So if you square it away with them you should be fine.
Roles Children play in weddings
Listed below are the roles that can be given in your wedding, included are age guidelines as well as a short description of the role. The ages are only guidelines, and the maturity and personality of the child is the utmost factor in your decision. There are more roles for children than just these listed below.
Flower Girl (ages 4 to 8) - The flower girl tosses petals on the aisle before the bride walks down it. You can have as many flower girls as you would like.
Gift Attendant (ages 12 and up) - A gift attendant is responsible for the gift table. He or she watches the table during the reception to insure that gifts remain on the table. After the reception, he or she helps to load the car with gifts. This is a simple role that is great for the responsible child.
Guest Book Attendant (ages 14 and up) - The guest book attendant's job is to get people to sign the guest book. He or she should be in a location where this is feasible, and should ask each person that enters to sign the guest book. This is not a role for a shy child, but should be reserved for someone who is friendly. Instruct this attendant to ask each guest to "please sign the guestbook" or "will you sign the guestbook" for best results.
Junior Attendant (ages 8 to 14) - This is the perfect title for a young girl in the groom's wedding party or a young boy in the bride's wedding party. See junior bridesmaid and junior groomsman usher for role description.
Junior Bridesmaid (ages 8 to 14) - This role is reserved for girls who are too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a bridesmaid. In most cases, her only duty is to come to the rehearsal and to walk down the aisle. Some couples do include junior bridesmaids in other festivities such as showers (but no bachelorette parties). Older girls can be regular bridesmaids.
Junior Usher/Groomsman (ages 8 to 14) - This role is reserved for boys who are too old to be a ring bearer and too young to be a groomsman/usher. As a junior groomsman, his duties include going to the rehearsal and walking down the aisle. As a junior usher, he helps to seat wedding guests. A junior groomsman/usher can't attend bachelor parties, but can be invited to showers (co-ed, groom) if the couple wishes. Older boys can be regular ushers or groomsmen.
Personal Attendant (ages 14 and up) - The personal attendant is expected to help with the preparations before the ceremony and/or reception. The role varies, but this person (boy or girl) is a "wedding helper" and helps the bride or groom where needed. He or she can also be called a Bride's Attendant or Groom's Attendant.
Ring Bearer (ages 4 to 8) - The ring bearer has the responsibility of carrying the ring/s down the aisle. You may have two ring bearers if desired.
found at:http://www.foreverwed1.com/articles/children/0015281d.html
One note I would like to add-- many couples are placing fake rings on the ring bearer pillow and having the MOH and BM hold the wedding rings.
reecey
04-29-2005, 06:48 AM
I am having two flower girls and one ring bearer. What are the ages of the boys? If they are old enough and you are having a train on your dress you can always have the older ones in charge of your train. I have also heard of a bell person which goes right in front of the bride announcing the bride is coming. Let me know the ages of ALL of the kids and I am sure we can figure something out for ALL of them to do.
I'm doing the little bell bearer! He's going to be the only boy in a white tux! He's gonna look too cute for words! I'm having one flower girl, one ring bearer and 2 candle attendants - Trevor, who is the ring bearer's older brother will light all the candles with my fiance's sister helping him. My nephew DJ, who is 7 will go up and blow the candles out after the ceremony. (DJ is autistic and is really into blowing out candles. The boy LIVES for birthday parties! No one in my family blows their candles out alone! My grandparents are very grateful for this since they're closing in on 80! heh) Anyway, I wanted to include DJ and I think it would be fun for him. His older brother is going to be 10 and is "too cool" to do frilly wedding crap - I had to bribe him to hand out programs at my little sister's wedding.
My other sister (I have 7 of them) had 2 ring bearers, 2 flower girls and her husband's son stood with him as "best son" the ring bearers and flowergirls just scooted down the isle and then sat in the front row - it was just cute to see them go down the isle. :)
Lizzerd217
04-29-2005, 03:31 PM
I am having two flower girls and one ring bearer. What are the ages of the boys? If they are old enough and you are having a train on your dress you can always have the older ones in charge of your train. I have also heard of a bell person which goes right in front of the bride announcing the bride is coming. Let me know the ages of ALL of the kids and I am sure we can figure something out for ALL of them to do.
At the time of the wedding by oldest nephew will by 8 1/2, then my other two nephews(who are brothers) will be 5 1/2 and 2 1/2. The 2 1/2 year old is probably too young, plus he's very rambunctious. My FH's nephew will be 8. What does the bell person say? I don't have a dress yet but I'm pretty sure I'll have a train. We're not getting married in a church, we're getting married outdoors, I don't know if that makes any difference.
sandstar
04-29-2005, 04:07 PM
I'm getting married outside too and against my mothers wishes I am having 6 flower girls and 6 jr ushers i guess. The kids will range from 1 1/2 to 13 years old. I am prepared to accept whatever happens with having two kids under the age of two and am just going to have fun. This should not be something to stress about, thats why I included all the kids. But then again the kids are our wedding party, we do not have a MOH or BM. My fiance has older sisters and lots of nieces and nephews that we will all include somehow. Good luck with your decison and keep in mind what you are willing to put up with at the wedding if you involve a lot of kids, i have heard horror stories but i'm willing to take those chances because its an informal outdoor wedding
nmb082005
04-29-2005, 08:32 PM
I'm getting married outside too and against my mothers wishes I am having 6 flower girls and 6 jr ushers i guess. The kids will range from 1 1/2 to 13 years old. I am prepared to accept whatever happens with having two kids under the age of two and am just going to have fun. This should not be something to stress about, thats why I included all the kids. But then again the kids are our wedding party, we do not have a MOH or BM. My fiance has older sisters and lots of nieces and nephews that we will all include somehow. Good luck with your decison and keep in mind what you are willing to put up with at the wedding if you involve a lot of kids, i have heard horror stories but i'm willing to take those chances because its an informal outdoor wedding
I'm willing to take the same chance, although I have no where near that many just one of each, our ring bearer will be just shy of 2 but he is FH and my son so there was no way I would have even considered anyone else for that position
reecey
04-29-2005, 11:29 PM
At the time of the wedding by oldest nephew will by 8 1/2, then my other two nephews(who are brothers) will be 5 1/2 and 2 1/2. The 2 1/2 year old is probably too young, plus he's very rambunctious. My FH's nephew will be 8. What does the bell person say? I don't have a dress yet but I'm pretty sure I'll have a train. We're not getting married in a church, we're getting married outdoors, I don't know if that makes any difference.
typically he announces "here comes the bride" - I'm having my nephew in this position and he doesn't have to say anything, but I'm sure it'll be "hey Mike! Rissa and Papa are coming!"
Daisies1983
04-30-2005, 08:06 AM
One of my bridesmaids - my SIL - has a little girl, born this past October. When I asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid, she said yes....and then mentioned how cute her daughter/my niece would look as the flower girl. I said, aw, she would. But I was thinking that she was way too young. Next time I saw my SIL, she said something again about it, about how my neice/her daughter would be walking then and she would be oh so adorable as the flower girl. I said the same thing. I know what she's getting at and I would hate to tell her no. And I would love to have the child in the wedding. But she'll be barely walking at 1 and half (right?) - I am getting married 5-20-06. What do I do?!?
Kelly1Mickey
04-30-2005, 08:13 AM
One of my bridesmaids - my SIL - has a little girl, born this past October. When I asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid, she said yes....and then mentioned how cute her daughter/my niece would look as the flower girl. I said, aw, she would. But I was thinking that she was way too young. Next time I saw my SIL, she said something again about it, about how my neice/her daughter would be walking then and she would be oh so adorable as the flower girl. I said the same thing. I know what she's getting at and I would hate to tell her no. And I would love to have the child in the wedding. But she'll be barely walking at 1 and half (right?) - I am getting married 5-20-06. What do I do?!?
If she can't walk at the time of the wedding, is there another child in the ceremony that could push her down the aisle in a beautiful old carriage or something? I am also including a little girl that is typically too young to be in a wedding (almost 2 yrs old). But she will be walking down the aisle with her sister who will be 4. Their mom is my MOH, so I figure they will see her and be more apt to follow. But I am perfectly prepared for them not making it down the aisle (although the oldest one was already a flower girl once, so she she be ok).
Lizzerd217
04-30-2005, 09:39 AM
One of my bridesmaids - my SIL - has a little girl, born this past October. When I asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid, she said yes....and then mentioned how cute her daughter/my niece would look as the flower girl. I said, aw, she would. But I was thinking that she was way too young. Next time I saw my SIL, she said something again about it, about how my neice/her daughter would be walking then and she would be oh so adorable as the flower girl. I said the same thing. I know what she's getting at and I would hate to tell her no. And I would love to have the child in the wedding. But she'll be barely walking at 1 and half (right?) - I am getting married 5-20-06. What do I do?!?
I think the carriage idea is cute, if the child is wiling to sit in the carriage. Being an early childhood major I know lots about kids, and the average walking age is 11.5 months, but kids can start walking at 9 months and others at 17 months (girls usually reach milestones earlier). My niece who I'm considering for a flower girl who will be a little over 2 at the time of the wedding,(she turns 1 tomorrow) has been walking since she was 9 months. I saw the carriage idea on a episode on a FRIENDS episode. I don't know if you area FRIENDS fan, but it was the one with the wedding of Ross' ex-wife and her lesbian lover. Monica pushes a carriage down the aisle with Ross' son Ben in it ( I say he was about 12-16 months). It was addorable and I thought of doing it if I had a child to young to walk down the isle. But if you think she's too big for a carriage it would probably look funny. I think 1 1/2 if definately too young to walk down the aisle by herself. If I do decide to include my 2 year old neice she will walk hand and hand with my 7 year old and 4 year old niece.
sandstar
04-30-2005, 10:48 AM
We have a 1 1/2 year old girl whos 2 older bothers 13 and 11 are going to walk with her and I have a 2 year old boy whos 2 cousins who are 12 and 10 will walk him down. I wanted to include everyone so thats how that will work and if someone decides at the last minute they are scared or do not want to do it then there are other kids to keep them company. I have seen a wagon used for the little kids who are too young to walk and there was another child who pulled the wagon, it was real cute. If the child pulling the wagon decided he or she did not want to the day of your wedding they could sit in the waggon and hold the young one and have someone else pull it.
nmb082005
04-30-2005, 08:59 PM
One of my bridesmaids - my SIL - has a little girl, born this past October. When I asked my SIL to be a bridesmaid, she said yes....and then mentioned how cute her daughter/my niece would look as the flower girl. I said, aw, she would. But I was thinking that she was way too young. Next time I saw my SIL, she said something again about it, about how my neice/her daughter would be walking then and she would be oh so adorable as the flower girl. I said the same thing. I know what she's getting at and I would hate to tell her no. And I would love to have the child in the wedding. But she'll be barely walking at 1 and half (right?) - I am getting married 5-20-06. What do I do?!?
It depends on the child my little boy was walking when he was about 10 months old, but some children don't really start walking untill much later. And even at that age they can be very clumbsy trying to still get a handle on the whole walking thing or running as it becomes. It all just depends on the child. Yes it would be cute but at 1 1/2 she will probably be very clingy to her parents and afraid of strangers, it would be very difficult to get her to walk down the isle, she would not understand what to do or how to do it and there is no way you could explain it. I guess as long as you wouldn't mind it if she gets scared and doesn't go or wanders off, falls walking down the isle, throws a temper, or anything that a baby does then do it but if you really want to keep a handle on the situation and want things to be more formal and smooth, or if you want to have someone that will actually appreciate the position and be able to remember being a part of your special day then it would be best to pick someone older.
Daisies1983
05-02-2005, 11:08 AM
You ladies certainly made me feel better about the baby being too young to do it....And the carriage idea is beautiful. I don't know how to tell my SIL that I had someone else.
Our family only reproduces boys. SO I have plenty of little boys to pick from..... We are friends with a family who has a little girl (I think she might be 5 or 6 next May). Maybe she could be the main flowergirl and hold my niece's hand as they walk down the aisle...but how does she drop petals if she's holding a hand? Or if the family friend's daughter pushed my niece in a stroller or carriage, who drops the petals? Would my niece, being as young as she is, put the petals in her mouth rather then drop them?
I wish I didn't have to have my niece in the wedding - she's just too young. Then I wouldn't have to worry about the child crying or stuffing her face with petals or being too shy (according to my SIL, the child has anxiety problems) or stumbling.... I know I should just tell my SIL this...but I hate telling people no about things like this. She wants me to wear her wedding dress and I already told her no (sort of told her) about that.
:confused:
Lizzerd217
05-02-2005, 11:41 AM
You ladies certainly made me feel better about the baby being too young to do it....And the carriage idea is beautiful. I don't know how to tell my SIL that I had someone else.
Our family only reproduces boys. SO I have plenty of little boys to pick from..... We are friends with a family who has a little girl (I think she might be 5 or 6 next May). Maybe she could be the main flowergirl and hold my niece's hand as they walk down the aisle...but how does she drop petals if she's holding a hand? Or if the family friend's daughter pushed my niece in a stroller or carriage, who drops the petals? Would my niece, being as young as she is, put the petals in her mouth rather then drop them?
I wish I didn't have to have my niece in the wedding - she's just too young. Then I wouldn't have to worry about the child crying or stuffing her face with petals or being too shy (according to my SIL, the child has anxiety problems) or stumbling.... I know I should just tell my SIL this...but I hate telling people no about things like this. She wants me to wear her wedding dress and I already told her no (sort of told her) about that.
:confused:
Your SIL sounds very pushy. This is you and your fiance's wedding, not hers. What does your fiance' say about all this? Maybe the MOH can push the carriage and the 5 year will walk by herself and throw the petals, just a suggestion.
nmb082005
05-02-2005, 12:25 PM
Anyone who has or has been around babies knows that EVERYTHING goes in their mouth. I would be really cautious about putting anything like petals around a baby not only would they eat them and risk choking but a lot of flowers are poisinous if ingested. I know it can be hard to say no to someone who you care about but it is your wedding so don't let her push you into something you really don't want. If you really would rather have someone older do it then stand your ground, it might upset her but if you go through all the reasons its not a good idea then maybe she will understand and in time she will get over it.
Anyone who has or has been around babies knows that EVERYTHING goes in their mouth. I would be really cautious about putting anything like petals around a baby not only would they eat them and risk choking but a lot of flowers are poisinous if ingested. I know it can be hard to say no to someone who you care about but it is your wedding so don't let her push you into something you really don't want. If you really would rather have someone older do it then stand your ground, it might upset her but if you go through all the reasons its not a good idea then maybe she will understand and in time she will get over it.
I agree. It is your FH and your wedding and you cannot let people push you around. I would be concerned that the little one would put something in her mouth that she should not if she is now watched carefully. I would suggest to have the little one sit with her grandmother or another relative since her mother is in your wedding party. Do not let this person push you around. Another thing which usually happens with kids this little is they will fall asleep right before the wedding starts. My oldest was 2 when my ex sister-in-law got married and she was to be the flower girl ... well she fell asleep and I would not let them wake her up cause she would have been really cranky.
Daisies1983
05-02-2005, 02:40 PM
My fiance doesn't care - he just wants to be married. These decisions are up to me. However, you guys do think it is a legitimate reason not to have the 18 month old in the wedding because the baby might eat the petals? (which I have heard that rose petals are toxic if ingested). If that is a legitimate reason, then it will be easier telling my SIL that I'd rather not have my niece in the wedding because I am concerned about that. (My neice will be 18 months old next May.)
My SIL is not 'pushy' so much as she just wants to be helpful...and I have a hard time telling people like her no. She means well. It just puts me in the awkward position of saying no.
Getting advice from ya'll makes me feel MUCH better about this. I need to have valid reasons to back my argument, as my dad wants his only granddaughter to be in the wedding but if I am concerned about her health, then I do not think he will push the issue. Does that make sense?
Thanks!
reecey
05-02-2005, 07:49 PM
My fiance doesn't care - he just wants to be married. These decisions are up to me. However, you guys do think it is a legitimate reason not to have the 18 month old in the wedding because the baby might eat the petals? (which I have heard that rose petals are toxic if ingested). If that is a legitimate reason, then it will be easier telling my SIL that I'd rather not have my niece in the wedding because I am concerned about that. (My neice will be 18 months old next May.)
My SIL is not 'pushy' so much as she just wants to be helpful...and I have a hard time telling people like her no. She means well. It just puts me in the awkward position of saying no.
Getting advice from ya'll makes me feel MUCH better about this. I need to have valid reasons to back my argument, as my dad wants his only granddaughter to be in the wedding but if I am concerned about her health, then I do not think he will push the issue. Does that make sense?
Thanks!
It is possible, not to mention, you'll have to think of the length of your ceremony and the ability of the chid to endure it. another thing you might want to think about is if she suggests not using real roses - a child could choke on silk petals as well. Its just really really too young in my eyes.
It is possible, not to mention, you'll have to think of the length of your ceremony and the ability of the chid to endure it. another thing you might want to think about is if she suggests not using real roses - a child could choke on silk petals as well. Its just really really too young in my eyes.
I'm sorry as much as I am for having a child in my wedding there are also limits. This child is TOO YOUNG to have to endure the length of a wedding ceremony. Children who are 18 months old might have an attention span of approximately 7 or 8 minutes. I am sure your ceremony will last longer than that. The word on attention span I have learned in my classes for elementary and special education is a child can pay attention to what is going on for about 5 minutes per year old. What is going to happen when this child starts getting upset because she cannot do something she wants to do? Who is going to take control of the child since the mother will be in the ceremony? Plus, I believe in one of your other posts you said this child suffers from anxiety according to the mother. Do you really want this child to be in your wedding? Chances are even if she could walk she would refuse to walk down the aisle ... even with someone helping her.
Daisies1983
05-03-2005, 07:48 AM
I'm sorry as much as I am for having a child in my wedding there are also limits. This child is TOO YOUNG to have to endure the length of a wedding ceremony. Children who are 18 months old might have an attention span of approximately 7 or 8 minutes. I am sure your ceremony will last longer than that. The word on attention span I have learned in my classes for elementary and special education is a child can pay attention to what is going on for about 5 minutes per year old. What is going to happen when this child starts getting upset because she cannot do something she wants to do? Who is going to take control of the child since the mother will be in the ceremony? Plus, I believe in one of your other posts you said this child suffers from anxiety according to the mother. Do you really want this child to be in your wedding? Chances are even if she could walk she would refuse to walk down the aisle ... even with someone helping her.
I don't want the child in my wedding. The mother has mentioned (several times now) to me that my niece would be adorable as a flowergirl - I was merely trying to find reasons for the child to NOT be in the wedding. And you guys have given TONS of valid reasons - thank you!!! I have decided to tell the mother/SIL that the child is too young and I am going to ask a friend if her daughter can (which I have no doubt that she can). Thank you guys SO much!!! :)
maybride
05-03-2005, 05:24 PM
Be prepared because once someone wants their child in a wedding, it is hard to desuade them. Just nip it in the bud as soon as possible because once she starts telling people that she's in, it's really hard to stop the train wreck. I had a valid excuse because my priest strongly recommended that no child under five should be in the ceremony, but my FIL's wouldn't hear anything of the sort. They think it is fear that they will not be able to walk down the aisle but it is really fear that they will just not want to when it comes down to it. Kids can be very tempermental and I already have enough to stress over! If you read any of my other posts you know I lost this fight besides all of my rational reasoning with everyone. I have a three and four year old as ringbearers. I definitely would have been more definite about not having an 18 month old in the wedding though.
I don't want the child in my wedding. The mother has mentioned (several times now) to me that my niece would be adorable as a flowergirl - I was merely trying to find reasons for the child to NOT be in the wedding. And you guys have given TONS of valid reasons - thank you!!! I have decided to tell the mother/SIL that the child is too young and I am going to ask a friend if her daughter can (which I have no doubt that she can). Thank you guys SO much!!! :)
Way to go on making a tough decision. I do feel you have made the right one and I hope all goes well. Good luck telling the SIL.