Should I be mad?

[PrincessBride5-21-05]

OK, one of my brides-maids(which would of been maid of honor if not my sis ) is an out of town guest which I talk to everyday. I asked her to be in the wedding 9 months ago, and we had EVERYTHING planned around her (bachlorete party, dress fittings, bridal shower etc.) Well a coupld of weeks ago she told me she wouldnt be able to make it to the bachlorete party, it was a let down but now big deal still have 2 other big events. Well now it is 5 days until my bridal shower and the dress fitting are the day before. She caleld and says I am not going to be able to make it, you need to re-schedule the dress fitings. I said I can't because my fitting is that day and other bridesmaids. Is it wrong for the to be mad since she has had these events on her calender for 6+ months that she is flaking out. I am getting nervous that she wont be able to make it to the wedding at this rate! And as far as her getting her dress fit the wedding is like 28 days away!!! I am in a bind and I don't know what to do??

[MauiGirl]

OK, one of my brides-maids(which would of been maid of honor if not my sis ) is an out of town guest which I talk to everyday. I asked her to be in the wedding 9 months ago, and we had EVERYTHING planned around her (bachlorete party, dress fittings, bridal shower etc.) Well a coupld of weeks ago she told me she wouldnt be able to make it to the bachlorete party, it was a let down but now big deal still have 2 other big events. Well now it is 5 days until my bridal shower and the dress fitting are the day before. She caleld and says I am not going to be able to make it, you need to re-schedule the dress fitings. I said I can't because my fitting is that day and other bridesmaids. Is it wrong for the to be mad since she has had these events on her calender for 6+ months that she is flaking out. I am getting nervous that she wont be able to make it to the wedding at this rate! And as far as her getting her dress fit the wedding is like 28 days away!!! I am in a bind and I don't know what to do??

I'm so sorry this is happening. I think that you need to express your concerns with your MOH. Tell her that it's getting extremely close to your wedding and you scheduled these events to fit her schedule already. Why can't she come? Has she said? I'm probably the wrong person to answer you b/c my MOH completely flaked out on me 9 days before my wedding; luckily it's a destination wedding and I really don't need a MOH... She's psycho anyway. Back to you; Make SURE you let her know that you have ALOT of stress in your world right now with the wedding and all so you would like to make sure that she is going to be apart of your wedding and that if she is having second thought that she needs to let you know now. Good luck & have a wonderful wedding. Let us know what happens.

[reecey]

OK, one of my brides-maids(which would of been maid of honor if not my sis ) is an out of town guest which I talk to everyday. I asked her to be in the wedding 9 months ago, and we had EVERYTHING planned around her (bachlorete party, dress fittings, bridal shower etc.) Well a coupld of weeks ago she told me she wouldnt be able to make it to the bachlorete party, it was a let down but now big deal still have 2 other big events. Well now it is 5 days until my bridal shower and the dress fitting are the day before. She caleld and says I am not going to be able to make it, you need to re-schedule the dress fitings. I said I can't because my fitting is that day and other bridesmaids. Is it wrong for the to be mad since she has had these events on her calender for 6+ months that she is flaking out. I am getting nervous that she wont be able to make it to the wedding at this rate! And as far as her getting her dress fit the wedding is like 28 days away!!! I am in a bind and I don't know what to do??

Just remember that things may be very very hectic in her life as well - she may not be flaking out on you but might have some serious things to deal with. I know it stinks that she can't make it to the events, but keep your dress fittings and have her go in separately at a time that she can make.
I would talk to her and make sure that she's still in this, be kind and take into consideration her life as well - you never know what might be going on there. It will work out, just show some concern for what's going on for her and I think she'll make a bit more of an effort if she can. She might be feeling left out since she's far away.

[nle5]

Just remember that things may be very very hectic in her life as well - she may not be flaking out on you but might have some serious things to deal with. I know it stinks that she can't make it to the events, but keep your dress fittings and have her go in separately at a time that she can make.
I would talk to her and make sure that she's still in this, be kind and take into consideration her life as well - you never know what might be going on there. It will work out, just show some concern for what's going on for her and I think she'll make a bit more of an effort if she can. She might be feeling left out since she's far away.

I agree. She might be having some problems in her life right now that she is not able to discuss with you. She may not discuss them with you since she knows you are about to get married in a few weeks. Call her up and talk to her and make sure everything is ok. Ask her if she is still wanting to be part of the wedding and if so see when she can get the fittings for her dress. Do not get mad at her especially if it is a major problem. Most of all let her know you are here for you to talk to -- even if your life is hectic. After all, that is what friends are for.

[Kelly1Mickey]

Reecey and nle5 are absolutely right. Ask her first if something is going on. Maybe she isn't telling you about it because she knows you are under stress already and she doesn't want you to worry. If everything is ok, just be prepared to go on without her. I know a girl whose bridesmaid bailed at the rehearsal. The wedding went on...Remember that there is only 1 thing that TRULY matters about that day....that you and your sweetie are husband and wife.

[PrincessBride5-21-05]

I have taken everyone's advice regaurding my brides maid. She did not make it for the Bridal Shower, Nor my Bachlorette Party. Now myself and the rest f the bridal party have been fitted for our dresses, and her dress is still at the bridal shop. I have called everyday since Friday of last week, to tell her to call the bridal shop and make arrangements for her dress to be sent. I don't want to sound like Bridezilla or anything but our wedding is 15 days away, and with alterations and the shipping It is going to be to late soon. I am so up-set that everytime I call and ask she says "Oh, no I havent done that yet I will call tommarow. I already paid for the deposit on the dress and she needs to pay the remainder b/4 they will send it to her. I feel like she is preparing me for a let down with all kinds of excuses. I know she may have stuff going on BUT this was planned 10 months ago and It should be priorite to her. I don't know what else to do!

[shannabelle]

I have taken everyone's advice regaurding my brides maid. She did not make it for the Bridal Shower, Nor my Bachlorette Party. Now myself and the rest f the bridal party have been fitted for our dresses, and her dress is still at the bridal shop. I have called everyday since Friday of last week, to tell her to call the bridal shop and make arrangements for her dress to be sent. I don't want to sound like Bridezilla or anything but our wedding is 15 days away, and with alterations and the shipping It is going to be to late soon. I am so up-set that everytime I call and ask she says "Oh, no I havent done that yet I will call tommarow. I already paid for the deposit on the dress and she needs to pay the remainder b/4 they will send it to her. I feel like she is preparing me for a let down with all kinds of excuses. I know she may have stuff going on BUT this was planned 10 months ago and It should be priorite to her. I don't know what else to do!

This is wrong of her. She should remember that this only happens once. It's not like you're going to get married every year. Yes, you understand she's busy, but some things have to be taken care of immediatley. It's not your fault or problem she has waited too long. As for her being a no show to so much, that hurts on a different level. I am not normally a confrontational person. However, my first wedding turned me into another person. The stress of planning a wedding and still having everyday life stress was overwhelming. I did not hesitate to get after someone or let them know how I felt. Not that I was going around ranting and raving to everyone in site. Just the things I usually ignor, I would tell that person. Even though the marriage didn't last, the hurt feelings and anger I felt still linger. You really find out what kind of friends you have when you get married. At least I did. If she backs out on you, I hope you can find someone her size to help you out. If you can't you can always appoligeticly explain the situation to the groomsman and make him an usher. Good luck to you.

[Kelly1Mickey]

It is not unheard of to have an uneven number in your bridal, so if she backs out don't worry about it. (I know a girl whose bridesmaid backed out at the rehearsal!) Then when you get back from your honeymoon, worry about getting your expenses lost back from her. If she backs out, just don't give her a second thought until the wedding and honeymoon are over.

[esp1087]

I agree with them. I had a bridesmaid back out but she did it early enough that I had time to ask someone else. Can the dress shop do the alterations on the dress in two weeks? If I were you, I would find someone else to stand up (a cousin you thought about asking). I know it is late to ask someone, but explain the situation and see if they are interested in being in the wedding. If they aren't comfortable then be understanding and let it go (we had to ask 3 men to be the best man before we found one that didn't back out or disappear... long story).

Anyway, talk to her again and tell her that if she can't give you an answer you would like your deposit back. You put down that deposit with the understanding that she would do her part to pay off the dress and get it in time for the wedding.

Don't worry about having an uneven wedding party (mine is uneven). Instead, just remember that you have a lot of friends that will be there for you that day... Don't let this one upset you because obviously she wasn't as good a friend as you thought. I know that hurts (I've been there), but don't let it ruin the happiest day of your life... You have SO much to look forward to!!! AND you only get to marry him once!!!

[reecey]

I'm really sorry you're going through this - its really hurtful that she would brush you and your wedding aside like that. Is there a way that you can get set with her to go pick her up to take her to get the dress? If not, see if you can find someone else her size to keep your wedding party complete if you want - and at least not waste the deposit you put down on the dress.

[soon/i'll/b/mrs/hoffman]

I have taken everyone's advice regaurding my brides maid. She did not make it for the Bridal Shower, Nor my Bachlorette Party. Now myself and the rest f the bridal party have been fitted for our dresses, and her dress is still at the bridal shop. I have called everyday since Friday of last week, to tell her to call the bridal shop and make arrangements for her dress to be sent. I don't want to sound like Bridezilla or anything but our wedding is 15 days away, and with alterations and the shipping It is going to be to late soon. I am so up-set that everytime I call and ask she says "Oh, no I havent done that yet I will call tommarow. I already paid for the deposit on the dress and she needs to pay the remainder b/4 they will send it to her. I feel like she is preparing me for a let down with all kinds of excuses. I know she may have stuff going on BUT this was planned 10 months ago and It should be priorite to her. I don't know what else to do!


I am extremely sorry that all of this is happening to you. My mom advised me to use only my sisters as my bridesmaids becuase they will always be there and no matter how good of friends you are with this girl now, chances are in 10 years you wont be that good of friends. I was going to be a bridesmaid in one of my friends weddings. She was so unoraganized. She called me the day of the rehersal, to tell me when the rehersal was- THAT DAY! Well I live four hours away and I had finals for school to do, so i told her that i wouldn't be able to make it to that days rehersal but i would definatly be at the next days final rehersal. Later that night she called me and told me not even to come to her wedding at all. It really hurt my feelings but I was understanding that she was under a lot of stress and had a lot on her plate. Your friend should be understanding of your needs as you prepare for your wedding. I am really sorry this is happening!