mother in law's 2 B

[MN_Hollie]

I am having trouble with my mother in law to be.. My Fiancee's parents are divorced, his mother has a new man in her life (8 yr committed relationship) and acts as thou she would like for her new man to be treated as thou he was a step father or to replace his dad... She does not want to sit any where near his father. This has been a huge problem because we want both his mother and father in the front row.. Anyone else having the same problems or have suggestions?!

Hollie

[nle5]

I am having trouble with my mother in law to be.. My Fiancee's parents are divorced, his mother has a new man in her life (8 yr committed relationship) and acts as thou she would like for her new man to be treated as thou he was a step father or to replace his dad... She does not want to sit any where near his father. This has been a huge problem because we want both his mother and father in the front row.. Anyone else having the same problems or have suggestions?!

Hollie


Hollie,
In a situation like yours it is common to place one parent in the front row and the other in a row or two behind the first. If there marriage ended on a bad note I would definately not push his mother to sit next to his father.

Good luck!

[MN_Hollie]

Hollie,
In a situation like yours it is common to place one parent in the front row and the other in a row or two behind the first. If there marriage ended on a bad note I would definately not push his mother to sit next to his father.

Good luck!
The problem with that is.. Which one do you place in the seat behind everyone.. I mean this has been a battle from day 1.. Who gets front row seating... His mother is saying she wont attend if she is made to sit by him, yet will only sit in the front.. where his father wants to sit in the front because he has helped more with planning and refuses to give into his mothers wishes...

Hollie

[esp1087]

I am having trouble with my mother in law to be.. My Fiancee's parents are divorced, his mother has a new man in her life (8 yr committed relationship) and acts as thou she would like for her new man to be treated as thou he was a step father or to replace his dad... She does not want to sit any where near his father. This has been a huge problem because we want both his mother and father in the front row.. Anyone else having the same problems or have suggestions?!

Hollie
I am having a very similar problem. His mom doesn't want to sit near his dad and step-mom (although they got divorced 31 years ago!!!)... I don't know what they will do about where they sit at the church, but for the reception, they are at the two center tables. At the church, I figure that they can work that out because I refuse to deal with this childish behavior.

[steve47807]

Personally, since the mother is being a troublemaker, then put her in the further back seat. That or ask your family if they would not mind having his father sit over on their side in the front. :) Hope this helps.

[reecey]

The problem with that is.. Which one do you place in the seat behind everyone.. I mean this has been a battle from day 1.. Who gets front row seating... His mother is saying she wont attend if she is made to sit by him, yet will only sit in the front.. where his father wants to sit in the front because he has helped more with planning and refuses to give into his mothers wishes...

Hollie

Are there grandparents you can put inbetween them? They can both sit in the front row, significant others between them and grandparents or godparents between them. I had this issue with my first wedding - it was absolutely stupid and I got right to the edge of telling my mother not to come. I think the person who won't compromise should be the one that is dealt with by sitting them in the second row or to put people between them. She's not even going to know until she's seated at the ceremony -would she really make a scene in front of literally god and everyone?

[MN_Hollie]

Are there grandparents you can put inbetween them? They can both sit in the front row, significant others between them and grandparents or godparents between them. I had this issue with my first wedding - it was absolutely stupid and I got right to the edge of telling my mother not to come. I think the person who won't compromise should be the one that is dealt with by sitting them in the second row or to put people between them. She's not even going to know until she's seated at the ceremony -would she really make a scene in front of literally god and everyone?

Thanks for your helpful advice... It is difficult because they are not my parents and my parents are overly excited and happy about our wedding.. His mom can't seem to get past the seating arrangment during the ceremony which is 20 mins long...

[Lacey]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure I will be heading down a similar road with my wedding since my mother and stepmother can not stand each other. Does your fiance have a brother or sister that can intervene to work for a compromise while you all focus on better things than his adult parents' childish behavior? Maybe you could negotiate for one set of parents to sit in the front pew while the other set of parents got a somewhat better table at the reception. Or could you put the moms on one side and the dads on the other side? It might seem a little odd but if it could relieve some stress I say bring on the oddity! :D The only thing you can do is sit down and try to reason with them. You have to get them to see that this is only going to be for 20 minutes. It really is a blink of an eye in the grand time line of life. Surely they can plaster on a smile and not make eye contact in that amount of time to make their son happy on what should be one of the happiest days of his life. If all else fails don't let either one of them sit in the front row. If they want to act like children let them be treated like children. Have your fiance's siblings, grandparents, and godparents sit there instead. Don't worry, there is no way his mother is not going to show up at his wedding simply because of a seating arraingment.

[Kelly1Mickey]

Don't you sometimes wish you could just tell them to suck it up, swallow their pride and act like adults for ONE day? LOL Sorry to hear you are going through this, but I agree with the other girls that said the one being subborn is the one who should sit in the second row.

[MN_Hollie]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure I will be heading down a similar road with my wedding since my mother and stepmother can not stand each other. Does your fiance have a brother or sister that can intervene to work for a compromise while you all focus on better things than his adult parents' childish behavior? Maybe you could negotiate for one set of parents to sit in the front pew while the other set of parents got a somewhat better table at the reception. Or could you put the moms on one side and the dads on the other side? It might seem a little odd but if it could relieve some stress I say bring on the oddity! :D The only thing you can do is sit down and try to reason with them. You have to get them to see that this is only going to be for 20 minutes. It really is a blink of an eye in the grand time line of life. Surely they can plaster on a smile and not make eye contact in that amount of time to make their son happy on what should be one of the happiest days of his life. If all else fails don't let either one of them sit in the front row. If they want to act like children let them be treated like children. Have your fiance's siblings, grandparents, and godparents sit there instead. Don't worry, there is no way his mother is not going to show up at his wedding simply because of a seating arraingment.

Thanks Lacey.. Lots of good advice... I tried to tell his mother that she would be seperated by his grandmother and her new man can sit by the grandmother to make them 2 people appart.. do god parents normally sit in the front row?!His father has been a huge help with everything.. So I wouldn;t want to "punish" him.. and if I tell his mom shes being seated somewhere else.. it's like starting a war.. Shes driving me crazy Girls~! She won't help with the wedding planning or help with expences yet can complain about the things we are buying.. and is always negative.. This is not a good start~!

[reecey]

Don't you sometimes wish you could just tell them to suck it up, swallow their pride and act like adults for ONE day? LOL Sorry to hear you are going through this, but I agree with the other girls that said the one being subborn is the one who should sit in the second row.

That is EXACTLY what I already did to any complainers :)

[reecey]

Thanks Lacey.. Lots of good advice... I tried to tell his mother that she would be seperated by his grandmother and her new man can sit by the grandmother to make them 2 people appart.. do god parents normally sit in the front row?!His father has been a huge help with everything.. So I wouldn;t want to "punish" him.. and if I tell his mom shes being seated somewhere else.. it's like starting a war.. Shes driving me crazy Girls~! She won't help with the wedding planning or help with expences yet can complain about the things we are buying.. and is always negative.. This is not a good start~!


Just ignore her - you're going to have to stand up to her at some point. Talk to your fiance and ask him what he wants to do - ask him if he want to handle his mother or if you should? Let him know that if you do, she's not going to be happy and he needs to be prepared for that. Someone needs to put this woman in her place. She's not paying for anything, that means she doesn't get a say and should just be grateful she's being invited.
Everytime someone has been negative about something I've chosen, my response is always "Wow - good thing its not YOUR wedding and YOUR money! :)" and always with a smile on my face! :) It seems to set them back a bit but its not rude :)

[nle5]

Just ignore her - you're going to have to stand up to her at some point. Talk to your fiance and ask him what he wants to do - ask him if he want to handle his mother or if you should? Let him know that if you do, she's not going to be happy and he needs to be prepared for that. Someone needs to put this woman in her place. She's not paying for anything, that means she doesn't get a say and should just be grateful she's being invited.
Everytime someone has been negative about something I've chosen, my response is always "Wow - good thing its not YOUR wedding and YOUR money! :)" and always with a smile on my face! :) It seems to set them back a bit but its not rude :)


You go girl!! That is about the only thing we can do to make sure we get the wedding of our dream.

I definately think Hollie needs to set her FMIL in place. Obviously the FH is not paying attention to what is going on or doesn't know how to handle his mother's stupid requests. I would definately tell the FH you will handle the FMIL if she doesn't agree to what you plan for the seating arrangements. Let her know since the father is helping pay for the wedding then he will be seated in the front row. If she chooses to sit in the front row she does not have to sit right next to him. If she chooses not to sit in the front row then she will sit a row or two behind him. I feel since the father is helping to pay for some of the wedding then he has the right to be seated in the front row.