Church drama - and people wonder why I dislike organized religion!

[Lacey]

I noticed today when I checked my bank statement online that the check for the deposit on the church had not gone through yet. I sent it out about a month ago. So, I call the church to make sure that it got there. Well, the check did get there about a day or two after I sent it. The reason it hasn't been deposited yet is that the minister is refusing to marry us. He is a new minister and is much ore conservative than the old minister who left a few months ago. When I booked the church the secretary claims that she never thought of that. His first claim is that my fiance is Catholic and he doesn't feel comfortable marrying me to a Catholic. I'm not asking my fiance to give up his beliefs that he was raised with to appease a very one sighted man. Secondly, he doesn't like the fact that we a living together. He would like us to move into seperate homes. Well. I'm not paying a mortgage and rent. We own our home and here we will both stay. Finally he won't marry someone who is not a regular member of his congregation. I live over an hour from this church. I attended it all the time while I was growing up. My grandmother and aunt still go regularly. Up until today anyway. My mother was going to start going again when she found out they had a new minister. That is now out of the question. I am so mad. Why couldn't they have called me to tell me this? Were they just waiting until 250 people and myself showed up next May to drop this bomb. Now I have to ceremony site hunt all over again. This is just beyond belief. AHHH! They won't even let me use the church and bring in my cousin who is an ordained minister in the same faith. This wedding is going to cause me a nervous breakdown before it is all over.

[reecey]

I noticed today when I checked my bank statement online that the check for the deposit on the church had not gone through yet. I sent it out about a month ago. So, I call the church to make sure that it got there. Well, the check did get there about a day or two after I sent it. The reason it hasn't been deposited yet is that the minister is refusing to marry us. He is a new minister and is much ore conservative than the old minister who left a few months ago. When I booked the church the secretary claims that she never thought of that. His first claim is that my fiance is Catholic and he doesn't feel comfortable marrying me to a Catholic. I'm not asking my fiance to give up his beliefs that he was raised with to appease a very one sighted man. Secondly, he doesn't like the fact that we a living together. He would like us to move into seperate homes. Well. I'm not paying a mortgage and rent. We own our home and here we will both stay. Finally he won't marry someone who is not a regular member of his congregation. I live over an hour from this church. I attended it all the time while I was growing up. My grandmother and aunt still go regularly. Up until today anyway. My mother was going to start going again when she found out they had a new minister. That is now out of the question. I am so mad. Why couldn't they have called me to tell me this? Were they just waiting until 250 people and myself showed up next May to drop this bomb. Now I have to ceremony site hunt all over again. This is just beyond belief. AHHH! They won't even let me use the church and bring in my cousin who is an ordained minister in the same faith. This wedding is going to cause me a nervous breakdown before it is all over.

It really stinks that they didn't contact you on this. Its the belief of the pastor and pretty much, he decides the direction of the congregation. You're not asking your fiance to compromise his faith, therefore, you really can't ask this pastor to do that either. Now, if there was a problem, they never should have allowed you to put a deposit down - I agree with you that it was pretty careless of the lady you spoke with to not speak to the pastor first. I understand your frustration, believe me, I really do. You're going to find another church that you'll be very happy with. I certainly did :)

[Lacey]

It isn't the fact that the preacher won't marry us. I don't really care about that. I can find someone else. In fact I don't want to be married by someone who is not comfortable in doing so. It is the fact that my mother and grandmother are so upset about this because of their work in the church. That is the first thing. The other thing is, why couldn't someone have told me? If I hadn't decided on my free period today to check out my banking statement online and realize that check hadn't gone through then, I would really be up the proverbial creek without a paddle. I think that the minute the problem ***e to the surface, someone should have called me to say so. Also, the preacher who has never met either myself or my fiance, should have requested a sit down with us before he decided we did not meet his expectations of a good Christian couple. I just don't think that is fair. I have had nothing but trouble finding a ceremony site for this darned wedding! I finally gave in to my mother and grandmother's request to honor them and family tradition and this comes up.

[reecey]

It isn't the fact that the preacher won't marry us. I don't really care about that. I can find someone else. In fact I don't want to be married by someone who is not comfortable in doing so. It is the fact that my mother and grandmother are so upset about this because of their work in the church. That is the first thing. The other thing is, why couldn't someone have told me? If I hadn't decided on my free period today to check out my banking statement online and realize that check hadn't gone through then, I would really be up the proverbial creek without a paddle. I think that the minute the problem ***e to the surface, someone should have called me to say so. Also, the preacher who has never met either myself or my fiance, should have requested a sit down with us before he decided we did not meet his expectations of a good Christian couple. I just don't think that is fair. I have had nothing but trouble finding a ceremony site for this darned wedding! I finally gave in to my mother and grandmother's request to honor them and family tradition and this comes up.

I totally understand - it was rude and inconsiderate of the church staff to not inform you AND to not return your check! I would march my rear right in there and grab the check, that's for sure! I would explain to them that what they have done is not only wrong, but also inconsiderate and very unchristian. Then I would storm right out, and let them know you're going to find a church to attend that has a real christian atmosphere and attitude toward the people of the congregation and also those that aren't of the congregation.

Ladies, why are we allowing ourselves to be treated this way? By vendors, churches, parents, etc. We wouldn't take this kind of crap at a retail store or from the phone company, why are we taking it now? Let these people know how they're acting and that you think they're rude -
Someone else has what we want - or something like it or something BETTER and they're going to be more than happy to take our money and provide us with quality service. Yes, it sucks when people treat us like crap, but we don't have to PAY them to do it!
and another thing....your momma didn't pick your fiance, why would you allow her to even THINK she gets to pick what you wear or anything else that has to do with how you start the rest of your life off with this man?! Where to they get the nerve to think they can? Well, honestly, its because we don't stand up to them. Their mothers did it to them most likely, so they feel its their place to do it to us - well, time to end that crappy tradition - and make sure YOU don't do it to your own daughter in the next 20-30 years!

[Rev_Hansen]

From a minister's point of view...
A. Many "Baptist types" feel as this minister does.. being that your situation brings up the question about being "unequally yoked" in your faith and spiritural practices. This situation is not unheard of in the clergical field.

B. As for meeting with you.. your right, he or one of the elders / decons should have met with you at the beginning.

so now that the damage was done, put your faith in God's hands and check out your local "christian churches" or "non-demominational churches" many of the pastors there will allow it.

As you said, you have a minister in the family, assuming they can do it legally in your state You may want to simply opt for doing it at the reception hall incorping it as part of the reception thus saving you time and money trying to find a church that will open it's doors.

In either case keep up up to date with it..
Bob

[reecey]

From a minister's point of view...
A. Many "Baptist types" feel as this minister does.. being that your situation brings up the question about being "unequally yoked" in your faith and spiritural practices. This situation is not unheard of in the clergical field.

B. As for meeting with you.. your right, he or one of the elders / decons should have met with you at the beginning.

so now that the damage was done, put your faith in God's hands and check out your local "christian churches" or "non-demominational churches" many of the pastors there will allow it.

As you said, you have a minister in the family, assuming they can do it legally in your state You may want to simply opt for doing it at the reception hall incorping it as part of the reception thus saving you time and money trying to find a church that will open it's doors.

In either case keep up up to date with it..
Bob

The Reverend is right - I'm not a big fan of organized religion - I talk to my god in my own way in my own time in my own place - but I tell you what, I thank every god everywhere that there is a place and a belief system available for all - no matter what their beliefs. I don't want to get into a religious philosophy here but its just like anything - wherever you go, you're there's people of all types. For this one guy that really kinda did you wrong, there's 10 "people of the cloth" that will treat you kindly. It just seems that we all seem to run into that ONE before we get to the others.

[steve47807]

Very well said Reecey.

[Lacey]

Ok, I'm completely insane. I admit that somedays I am not 100% grounded, but I think we all have thsoe days. I accept it. However, I did not know that I was 100% insane to the point that I made things up. The church secretary called my grandma to get my phone number yesterday. Apparently none of the above written was true. I can have the church on my wedding day. I'll be the only person using it that day in fact. And, the minister would happily marry me. He just would like to meet us first. Which, I happily agreed to when I booked the church. I even set up a first tentative date. The only problem might be that he would be out of town that weekend since it is a holiday. In that case, he can find someone to stand in or I can find someone. Whatever is just fine with him. The minister will be calling in a couple of days to chat and get some things set up.
What the hell! Did I hallucinate the entire conversation the day before? Am I insane or is the church secretary insane? She and my mother never did get a long. Regardless, I am locking these people into an airtight contract. I trust God 100%, it is some of his flock that doubt. This problem is officially my mother' and grandmother's. I don't care where I get married on May 27, 2006, just that I get married. I'm showing up wherever the tell me to.

[nle5]

Ok, I'm completely insane. I admit that somedays I am not 100% grounded, but I think we all have thsoe days. I accept it. However, I did not know that I was 100% insane to the point that I made things up. The church secretary called my grandma to get my phone number yesterday. Apparently none of the above written was true. I can have the church on my wedding day. I'll be the only person using it that day in fact. And, the minister would happily marry me. He just would like to meet us first. Which, I happily agreed to when I booked the church. I even set up a first tentative date. The only problem might be that he would be out of town that weekend since it is a holiday. In that case, he can find someone to stand in or I can find someone. Whatever is just fine with him. The minister will be calling in a couple of days to chat and get some things set up.
What the hell! Did I hallucinate the entire conversation the day before? Am I insane or is the church secretary insane? She and my mother never did get a long. Regardless, I am locking these people into an airtight contract. I trust God 100%, it is some of his flock that doubt. This problem is officially my mother' and grandmother's. I don't care where I get married on May 27, 2006, just that I get married. I'm showing up wherever the tell me to.


Are you sure you talked to the receptionist and NOT someone that was filling in because of her being out of the office? Your not insane I can tell you that. Chances are the minister decided to pray about the situation to get an answer as to how to handle your request. Like you said make sure you get them to sign a contract so they cannot back out of letting you use the church.

Good luck!!

[reecey]

Ok, I'm completely insane. I admit that somedays I am not 100% grounded, but I think we all have thsoe days. I accept it. However, I did not know that I was 100% insane to the point that I made things up. The church secretary called my grandma to get my phone number yesterday. Apparently none of the above written was true. I can have the church on my wedding day. I'll be the only person using it that day in fact. And, the minister would happily marry me. He just would like to meet us first. Which, I happily agreed to when I booked the church. I even set up a first tentative date. The only problem might be that he would be out of town that weekend since it is a holiday. In that case, he can find someone to stand in or I can find someone. Whatever is just fine with him. The minister will be calling in a couple of days to chat and get some things set up.
What the hell! Did I hallucinate the entire conversation the day before? Am I insane or is the church secretary insane? She and my mother never did get a long. Regardless, I am locking these people into an airtight contract. I trust God 100%, it is some of his flock that doubt. This problem is officially my mother' and grandmother's. I don't care where I get married on May 27, 2006, just that I get married. I'm showing up wherever the tell me to.

Sometimes I have flashbacks of being in 5th grade playing the game "telephone" this stuff happens. :)

[JustMe]

Okay .. first, you should have never thought that just because you grew up in a church that you would be allowed to "use" the church later for whatever you chose without the minister's blessings. Second, your mother doesn't even attend there anymore (you said so yourself), so why is it so upsetting to her that the minister turned you down the first time? Third, if you think the Baptist-based religion was hard on you and how your fiance are deciding to live now (pre-wedding "shacking up" and not attending church on a regular basis) you should have tried to arrange this wedding in HIS childhood church. Catholics would have laughed you two right back to confession and told you to think about it again in 10 years when you think you MIGHT have it right.

Don't be so hard on the minister for turning you down. I think he did the right thing. There are too many people trying to tell religious leaders how to lead their churches .... and those people aren't even followers of that church. Find yourself a nice park or reception hall and just get a Justice of the Peace to tell you you're married. It all ends up the same anyhow .... You're either married or you're not.

[nle5]

Okay .. first, you should have never thought that just because you grew up in a church that you would be allowed to "use" the church later for whatever you chose without the minister's blessings. Second, your mother doesn't even attend there anymore (you said so yourself), so why is it so upsetting to her that the minister turned you down the first time? Third, if you think the Baptist-based religion was hard on you and how your fiance are deciding to live now (pre-wedding "shacking up" and not attending church on a regular basis) you should have tried to arrange this wedding in HIS childhood church. Catholics would have laughed you two right back to confession and told you to think about it again in 10 years when you think you MIGHT have it right.

Don't be so hard on the minister for turning you down. I think he did the right thing. There are too many people trying to tell religious leaders how to lead their churches .... and those people aren't even followers of that church. Find yourself a nice park or reception hall and just get a Justice of the Peace to tell you you're married. It all ends up the same anyhow .... You're either married or you're not.

If you read all of the post you will realize there was some type of mix up at the church. The minister has said she can get married in the church but since he will not be there he is willing to help her find someone to marry them. Catholics in todays world are NO better than anyone else and some have actually admitted to faults in their own religion. There is NO religion in today's world that is perfect.

There are some instances where the church congregation needs to advise the "religious leader" how to run a church. I have been a witness to this many times with a Methodist church in Arizona. The church has gotten a few rotten ministers and the church has tried to work with the minister to keep the church alive. The minister did not listen to what the church people had to say and eventually the board members of the church had the minister removed. When a minister does not listen to the congregation the church can get ruined. As happened in this case. It was very sad since it was the church I grew up in and one my family and I still attend. Luckily, since this misister was removed from the church this church has been able to have a lot of regrowth and old members coming back.

Yes, I may not go to church every Sunday but once I move back to my home town this will change. I personally feel anyone who tries to tell me how to have a relationship with God is wrong. I will have a personal relationship with God how I feel it needs to happen. I also feel religions need to adjust to the new ways of life. Many religions are still stuck in the "old" age and have never changed to the different changes in society. Not only our society but that of different countries. Many religions will tell people how to live their life. However, this is wrong.

[Lacey]

Okay .. first, you should have never thought that just because you grew up in a church that you would be allowed to "use" the church later for whatever you chose without the minister's blessings. Second, your mother doesn't even attend there anymore (you said so yourself), so why is it so upsetting to her that the minister turned you down the first time? Third, if you think the Baptist-based religion was hard on you and how your fiance are deciding to live now (pre-wedding "shacking up" and not attending church on a regular basis) you should have tried to arrange this wedding in HIS childhood church. Catholics would have laughed you two right back to confession and told you to think about it again in 10 years when you think you MIGHT have it right.

Don't be so hard on the minister for turning you down. I think he did the right thing. There are too many people trying to tell religious leaders how to lead their churches .... and those people aren't even followers of that church. Find yourself a nice park or reception hall and just get a Justice of the Peace to tell you you're married. It all ends up the same anyhow .... You're either married or you're not.

1. Who are you?
2. Where do you get off telling me how to have my wedding?
3. FYI the Catholic Church/priest that I spoke with and who knows our situation well would have happily married us but I didn't want it.
4. Aren't churches supposed to be welcoming to all regardless of their situation?
And by the way, after the minister understood the mix up he was more than happy to help me with my wedding in any way that he possibly could. I guess some Christians are a little more understanding to specific situations than others, huh? So in the future, you don't criticize myself or others members on this board. You post nice, polite, helpful, advice or ideas to help us all through a stressful, joyful, madening, and wonderful time in our lives or please, keep the nasty, shrewd, judgemental comments to yourself. Thank you. :D

[reecey]

1. Who are you?
2. Where do you get off telling me how to have my wedding?
3. FYI the Catholic Church/priest that I spoke with and who knows our situation well would have happily married us but I didn't want it.
4. Aren't churches supposed to be welcoming to all regardless of their situation?
And by the way, after the minister understood the mix up he was more than happy to help me with my wedding in any way that he possibly could. I guess some Christians are a little more understanding to specific situations than others, huh? So in the future, you don't criticize myself or others members on this board. You post nice, polite, helpful, advice or ideas to help us all through a stressful, joyful, madening, and wonderful time in our lives or please, keep the nasty, shrewd, judgemental comments to yourself. Thank you. :D


Well said, darlin!