lost and confused

[Trepidation]

:confused:
i'm am totally lost. i've been engaged for a a little over a year now and i have made no plans whatsoever. i think my problem is trying to please everyone. plus im about to be a college graduate and i have no money. my mom has been saving but she has her own bills to pay. on top of this my fiance has a sister who wants to be an event planner, a brother who is a very slow cook, and a future mother-in-law who thinks i have to use them for the wedding. i want everyone to enjoy themselves, not work at my wedding.

but wait there is more...i have friends who are threatening me to be in my wedding. and...i feel a little obligated to have a ceremony because i know my sister is not giong to have one. i want to give my dad the opportunity to walk one of us down the isle.

my mind changes day to day. do i elope? or do i go through with a ceremony?
and who do i invite. i'm so confused :(

can anyone tell me how to even begin to over come these obstacles so i can get to the most important part....marrying the love of my life!

Trepidation

[reecey]

:confused:
i'm am totally lost. i've been engaged for a a little over a year now and i have made no plans whatsoever. i think my problem is trying to please everyone. plus im about to be a college graduate and i have no money. my mom has been saving but she has her own bills to pay. on top of this my fiance has a sister who wants to be an event planner, a brother who is a very slow cook, and a future mother-in-law who thinks i have to use them for the wedding. i want everyone to enjoy themselves, not work at my wedding.

but wait there is more...i have friends who are threatening me to be in my wedding. and...i feel a little obligated to have a ceremony because i know my sister is not giong to have one. i want to give my dad the opportunity to walk one of us down the isle.

my mind changes day to day. do i elope? or do i go through with a ceremony?
and who do i invite. i'm so confused :(

can anyone tell me how to even begin to over come these obstacles so i can get to the most important part....marrying the love of my life!

Trepidation


Just for a minute, forget that all of these people are even bothering you. No one even knows you're engaged.. They aren't there. Now close your eyes and think of what your DREAM wedding has always been. THAT is what you should do. Have you always dreamt of a beautiful large wedding with your dad walking you down the isle? then do THAT. Let your FMIL know that you want everyone to enjoy themselves at your wedding, not work. You have other plans for these people to be a part of your big day instead of working like a horse. It sounds to me like you'll be the one forking out the dough - so its all up to you. Here's the thing. You do NOT have to make everyone happy - there's no law that says that. There's not even an unwritten rule. The only thing that you must do is make YOU and YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND happy. Believe me, the FMIL will get over it. As for your friends - ask them what their problem is. Tell them that you haven't made any decisions yet and that their threats are going to make it very easy for you to not include them. There is enough pressure on you right now to plan and pay for this, you need their support, not their grief. If they don't understand that, then I guess they're really not as good of friends as they claim to be.
Let people help you, but seriously, hiring family to do a wedding could really turn out bad - unless they've really proven themselves in their business. Its your day - the FMIL is already married, right? or at least has been. So uhm - she had her day, now its your turn to have yours.

[esp1087]

I agree with the above... Also take your time. I just graduated from college last May, and we are getting married this May. We were engaged for just over two years so had time to plan and save money. Do things how you want them to be done and don't let others pressure you. I have learned that paying for your wedding yourself can be hard, but at least it allows you to have complete control over your wedding. If others are helping to pay, sometimes they resort to blackmail to get you to do what they think you should... Follow your heart, discuss things with your fiance, and decide together what you want for a ceremony and reception.

Good luck!

[MauiGirl]

I agree with the last two posts. I was engaged for two and half years and will be getting married this May as well. I will also be the one paying for everything and i think it's hard but I wouldn't have it any onther way... I've never been a person that lets people tell me what I can & can't do. What ever you decide make sure you decision is based on what you truly want :)

[Trepidation]

thanks for the replies. they made me feel a little better. the time i am projecting for is june of 06. it makes me feel better to know that there is someone else out there with a similar situation as mine. i will try that imagination thing; maybe i'll find my way back. i suppose one of my first obstacles will be to get my fiance involved. he always tells me that whatever i want is fine with him, but he never helps me to come to any decisions. the few times we did talk semi-seriously we got into arguments about my thinking of what i want and his what part his family plays in that. i've seriously been considering asking one of my sorority sisters to help me. she has been a wedding planner for a few years. maybe then i can avoid the "my" family "your" family arguments.

thanks again :) if anyone else has any advice i am willing to hear it.

Trepidation

[esp1087]

thanks for the replies. they made me feel a little better. the time i am projecting for is june of 06. it makes me feel better to know that there is someone else out there with a similar situation as mine. i will try that imagination thing; maybe i'll find my way back. i suppose one of my first obstacles will be to get my fiance involved. he always tells me that whatever i want is fine with him, but he never helps me to come to any decisions. the few times we did talk semi-seriously we got into arguments about my thinking of what i want and his what part his family plays in that. i've seriously been considering asking one of my sorority sisters to help me. she has been a wedding planner for a few years. maybe then i can avoid the "my" family "your" family arguments.

thanks again :) if anyone else has any advice i am willing to hear it.

Trepidation
Since you are getting married, remember that it will be "our" family and that compromise is the best answer to arguement such as these. Both your families should be involved in the wedding. Get your fiance involved, and listen to his ideas and what he wants too. It is your wedding and his too. Try to come up with things together instead of on your own. You will be happier with the results knowing that it is what he wants too. Once you get him involved, he will start to like it too (as long as you keep it interesting for him... Most guys could care less what color the napkins are, etc.). Good luck!

[c_cheff]

Just for a minute, forget that all of these people are even bothering you. No one even knows you're engaged.. They aren't there. Now close your eyes and think of what your DREAM wedding has always been. THAT is what you should do. Have you always dreamt of a beautiful large wedding with your dad walking you down the isle? then do THAT. Let your FMIL know that you want everyone to enjoy themselves at your wedding, not work. You have other plans for these people to be a part of your big day instead of working like a horse. It sounds to me like you'll be the one forking out the dough - so its all up to you. Here's the thing. You do NOT have to make everyone happy - there's no law that says that. There's not even an unwritten rule. The only thing that you must do is make YOU and YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND happy. Believe me, the FMIL will get over it. As for your friends - ask them what their problem is. Tell them that you haven't made any decisions yet and that their threats are going to make it very easy for you to not include them. There is enough pressure on you right now to plan and pay for this, you need their support, not their grief. If they don't understand that, then I guess they're really not as good of friends as they claim to be.
Let people help you, but seriously, hiring family to do a wedding could really turn out bad - unless they've really proven themselves in their business. Its your day - the FMIL is already married, right? or at least has been. So uhm - she had her day, now its your turn to have yours.

Absolutely correct Reecey, *high five*, every bride has her dream wedding and every bride shouldn't feel any obligation otherwise. Tell your family what you want for your wedding, if they want to help, let them on your own terms. After all, being "lost and confused" isn't the kind of memory you want of your wedding day. Chin up, stand proud and get what you want. You deserve it. Good luck.

c_cheff