Mother taking over guest list!

[Yodabean]

Ok, ever since I have be***e a member with this board I have read over and over that in the end it is my wedding and I should do what my fiance and I want.
Then it comes to my dreaded guest list.grrrrrrr. My fiance and I made a list of all the people we wanted to make sure were invited to our wedding. Then I sent it to my mom to check it and see if there were any people she thought I was leaving out. BAD IDEA! She has an additional list of 65 people I have forgotten. Like all her friends that she does stuff with that I have met like twice and my fiance I have been with for 5 1/2 years has never met. Then she is inviting her neighbors that I have not seen in about 6 years, then it gets to her boss and then her staff and so on. I understand that she feels these people should be invited because they are an important part of her life but my fiance and I don't care to have people at our wedding that we barely know! I love my mom to death and she is paying for almost half of my wedding so i don't mind her inviting some of her closer friends that I don't know as much but I don't want everyone there. I have tried to explain this to her and she is getting defensive saying she just can't cut anyone else and then she throws in that she is paying half for the wedding so she should be able to invite people. Am i being unreasonable since she is paying for half of the wedding?

[reecey]

Ok, ever since I have be***e a member with this board I have read over and over that in the end it is my wedding and I should do what my fiance and I want.
Then it comes to my dreaded guest list.grrrrrrr. My fiance and I made a list of all the people we wanted to make sure were invited to our wedding. Then I sent it to my mom to check it and see if there were any people she thought I was leaving out. BAD IDEA! She has an additional list of 65 people I have forgotten. Like all her friends that she does stuff with that I have met like twice and my fiance I have been with for 5 1/2 years has never met. Then she is inviting her neighbors that I have not seen in about 6 years, then it gets to her boss and then her staff and so on. I understand that she feels these people should be invited because they are an important part of her life but my fiance and I don't care to have people at our wedding that we barely know! I love my mom to death and she is paying for almost half of my wedding so i don't mind her inviting some of her closer friends that I don't know as much but I don't want everyone there. I have tried to explain this to her and she is getting defensive saying she just can't cut anyone else and then she throws in that she is paying half for the wedding so she should be able to invite people. Am i being unreasonable since she is paying for half of the wedding?


since she's paying for half, she should be able to invite some people - but not the entire world! Give her a number that she has to cut it down to and let her know that if you haven't met them more than once, they're not coming because you're not comfortable having perfect strangers at the most intimate of events like this

[carmela]

Yodabean,

Who is paying for the other half? What you can tell her is that since she wants to invite these "extra" people then she needs to cover the cost. Me and my FH did that with both our parents and told them that anything extra they wanted they would cover the cost. and so far it has worked out everyone is getting what they want. or just let your mom know that the place you chose can only accomodate so many people. Good luck.

[hinman2b]

I asked my FMIL to provide a guest list of her own (to add to mine). It was 150 people! My fiances parents have a lot of family and friends in our hometown, and his dad is an elder at our chuch. Needless to say, I tried to sort it out, but I'm to the point where I just gave up. The church only holds 300 people, and the reception hall only about 275. Did I mention my parents are paying for the whole wedding? (His parents are paying for the honeymoon). Then my mom found out some of her friends weren't even on there and she had a cow. My solution to all of this? I am going to give my mothers the list and tell them that I want my people on there, and they can work the rest out themselves. (they know each other fairly well). I haven't figured anything else out yet. Any alternative suggestions?

[nle5]

I asked my FMIL to provide a guest list of her own (to add to mine). It was 150 people! My fiances parents have a lot of family and friends in our hometown, and his dad is an elder at our chuch. Needless to say, I tried to sort it out, but I'm to the point where I just gave up. The church only holds 300 people, and the reception hall only about 275. Did I mention my parents are paying for the whole wedding? (His parents are paying for the honeymoon). Then my mom found out some of her friends weren't even on there and she had a cow. My solution to all of this? I am going to give my mothers the list and tell them that I want my people on there, and they can work the rest out themselves. (they know each other fairly well). I haven't figured anything else out yet. Any alternative suggestions?

Maybe the three of you can sit down with the guest list and talk about the individual people and see if you all can work something out. With the two mothers knowing each other fairly well they might come to a compromise pretty easy. You need to let them know the limits for the church and reception hall. I would tell them no more than 250 people so you have some breathing room. Of course, not everyone will come but then you can have a little extra room. Another thing you can do when you sit down and talk is set up an "A" list and "B" list. Use the "A" list for the people who will definately get an invitation. The "B" list can be used for when someone RSVP's that they are not coming to the wedding/reception. Once you get an RSVP from someone not coming then you can send out an invitation to someone on the "B" list. The only thing with this is I definately would not tell the people invited oh you are on the "A" list or "B" list. It might hurt someone's feelings. However, many brides today are making up the two lists for the guest list.