To pay or not to pay....? [Archive] - WeddingSolutions Forums

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Meljak

03-07-2005, 08:00 AM

When my fiance and I got engaged and began to plan the wedding, we sat down with the parents and set up a bugdet. My mother was going to pay a third, his mother would pay a third and he and I would pay a third. They didn't give us many rules, because it was considered a gift. They wanted to help us. Now, they are both making it very difficult for us to enjoy anything about the wedding. THey want a say in EVERYTHING, down to the favors and wording on the invitations. Whenever my fiance and I make a decision, it's not good enough or we're focusing on ourselves too much. Isn't this our day? Of course I want them involved, but not so much that I no longer look forward to my own wedding. After many arguments, my fiance and I are wondering if we should pay for the wedding ourselves, however we don't know how we would do it. We want them involved, but every time a wedding idea or decision comes up, one of them says, "Well, it's our money, we should get to be part of the decisions too." We're sick of feeling guilty about something they wanted to be a gift to us. What do we do? We're both graduating from college before the wedding, just bought a house that needs work and taking on the financial stress of the wedding is just too much, but we no longer know what to do. We can't even talk to our mothers about the wedding without fighting about every detail.

esp1087

03-07-2005, 08:12 AM

Can you wait another year to get married? Sounds like that would be a good idea for you.

My fiance and I had a two year engagement (we are getting married this May) because I graduated from collage last May. We had to pay for the wedding ourselves, so we used the long engagement to save.

It is true that a large advantage of planning the wedding yourselves is you can get everything you want done your way. You can ask your moms to pay for smaller things as gifts such as the limo, photographer, videographer, etc. Our parents offered to help with those small things as our gift. You also need to come up with a budget now and try to stick to it. Decide how much you can save and spend on the wedding. There are many areas where you can save money to plan the wedding within your budget, so it is definitely possible to pay for it yourselves. We are...

Good luck,
Elizabeth

cl_peterson

03-07-2005, 11:19 AM

Just talk to your parents and tell them that they are stressing you out and that you want the freedom to make your own decisions on your own wedding, and that if they can't let go and trust you guys to make it right, then you want to give them their money back and pay for it on your own even though you will have to go into debt, because it isn't worth their money to go through that much stress. Hopefully, if you do it right, they will realize what they are doing to you and back off, because ultimately they just want you to be happy. Just be prepared for it to backfire and have to pay for everything yourself.

I am going to do the same thing with my parents, and I am prepared to get a loan if I have to.

radar

03-08-2005, 12:52 PM

We're are planning on getting married this fall and paying for it ourselves. I'm planning on telling my MIL that she is in charge of decorating the church and my mom and I are going to look after decorating the hall. That way my MIL can feel like she is playing a part in the wedding without taking over.

reecey

03-08-2005, 01:23 PM

radar

03-08-2005, 03:13 PM

Shouldn't you ask her to spearhead that instead of telling her? Just a suggestion :)

I thought that I would wait until she tries to take over my wedding, like she is doing to her daughter, and then tell her that if she want to she can look after the decorations in the church.

I'm planning on waiting for her to ask what she can do and i by chance she doesn't want to help then i'll look after everything.