My matron of honor is a pain in the #$% now

[Courtney1982]

So here is my problem. I'm getting married in December and my sister is my maid of honor. However, my bestfriend from when I was little had me in her wedding this past summer as her maid of honor. Before she got engaged we were cool then she turned into bridezilla. We had always talked about being each others maids of honor so when I got engaged in her mind there was no question that she would be my matron of honor. However since I have been engaged she is totally disintrested in my wedding. All of the big events that I went with her to (dress searching, flower shopping, etc.) she will have nothing to do with it. I have my sister as my maid of honor and another really good friend who I go to nursing school with that is acting as my fill in maid of honor. She is psyched to help out and loves this wedding stuff, she truley has been a big help. My problem is how do I tell my "bestfriend" from when I was younger that I don't want her as my maid of honor. And on a lesser degree how do I tell her that I don't think she is being very supportive about this wedding thing.

[esp1087]

In short... just tell her, but I would tell her gently.

If I were you, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with your "best friend" and tell her that her actions have hurt you. You really wanted her to be more involved, supportive, and excited for you (like you were for her). I would also tell her who you selected for your maid of honor and tell her that she is still very important to you although she isn't your matron of honor. Maybe you could ask her to be involved in the wedding in another way such as do a reading, ask guests to sign the guest book, or put together something special for you. I was thinking that maybe you could ask her to start a book of advice for you and your fiance as you start your marriage from her and other happily married couples you know. Or a book of recipes or a scrapbook... Just some ideas, but I think you would probably want her involved in the wedding in a smaller role and you want her by your side just not as your matron of honor.. Make sure she knows that...

Good luck, and I hope that helps.

Elizabeth

[SusanM18]

You should be probably be direct.
Let her know, you understand, that the wedding interest might be low because she just planned an entire wedding, but that you really need people that are supportive of your wedding and want to accompany you on your outings.

[reecey]

In short... just tell her, but I would tell her gently.

If I were you, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with your "best friend" and tell her that her actions have hurt you. You really wanted her to be more involved, supportive, and excited for you (like you were for her). I would also tell her who you selected for your maid of honor and tell her that she is still very important to you although she isn't your matron of honor. Maybe you could ask her to be involved in the wedding in another way such as do a reading, ask guests to sign the guest book, or put together something special for you. I was thinking that maybe you could ask her to start a book of advice for you and your fiance as you start your marriage from her and other happily married couples you know. Or a book of recipes or a scrapbook... Just some ideas, but I think you would probably want her involved in the wedding in a smaller role and you want her by your side just not as your matron of honor.. Make sure she knows that...

Good luck, and I hope that helps.

Elizabeth

Have you actually ASKED her to be your maid of honor? I mean, her assuming it especially after her attitude would be quite obnoxious - maybe she's not planning on taking the role? I guess what I would do is continue on with plans to have the maid of honor you have chosen follow through and if the one who doesn't want to have any part in the wedding asks - I would just say "oh - I assumed you didn't want to be when you decided to not be involved"

[Courtney1982]

Thank you for your advice she is not much in to heart-to-heart chats. In her mind they are pointless. However, I think telling her about the hurting my feelings is a wonderful idea and perhaps giving her something special to do. Just like heart-to-heart chats thay aren't her favorite but I think in this case it's my best option. Once again thank you for the advice.

In short... just tell her, but I would tell her gently.

If I were you, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with your "best friend" and tell her that her actions have hurt you. You really wanted her to be more involved, supportive, and excited for you (like you were for her). I would also tell her who you selected for your maid of honor and tell her that she is still very important to you although she isn't your matron of honor. Maybe you could ask her to be involved in the wedding in another way such as do a reading, ask guests to sign the guest book, or put together something special for you. I was thinking that maybe you could ask her to start a book of advice for you and your fiance as you start your marriage from her and other happily married couples you know. Or a book of recipes or a scrapbook... Just some ideas, but I think you would probably want her involved in the wedding in a smaller role and you want her by your side just not as your matron of honor.. Make sure she knows that...

Good luck, and I hope that helps.

Elizabeth

[esp1087]

Thank you for your advice she is not much in to heart-to-heart chats. In her mind they are pointless. However, I think telling her about the hurting my feelings is a wonderful idea and perhaps giving her something special to do. Just like heart-to-heart chats thay aren't her favorite but I think in this case it's my best option. Once again thank you for the advice.
No problem... I hope it helps. She may not like heart-to-hearts but sounds like it is needed to keep a healthy friendship going... Good luck!