Lots of trouble with guest list...HELP!

[Elizabeth]

A little background...my mom and dad divorced when I was just 4. Dad is remarried now for many years, and for the most part, the three parents (dad, stepmom, & mom) are now all getting along just fine.

Aaron and I really want a wedding for our close family members..not the ones you see just once every five years. We also don't want this guest list to get out of hand.

We decided that we would invite equal relations from each parent...grandparents, parents' siblings, and siblings families. So this kind of cuts out those second third cousins who really add up!

Trouble is, my dad is one of seven kids, so his side alone will mean about 30 guests. Whereas my mom is one of just three, so she'll only have about 8 people there. Our guest list is already 100+ and I don't feel I should have to invite more "filler" people for mom just so she'll have a comparable number. We've invited the same relations from both sides...isn't that enough?????

Also - How should I handle not inviting someone who invited me to their wedding? Had some cousins who invited me to their weddings, but I'm not inviting them. (It would be too big.) How can I be tactful about that?

One more issue - My parents have this couple that their best friends with. Aaron and I, however, really can't stand them. Are we obligated to invite them since we grew up around them and parents do everything with them??? Especially since parents are paying???

Never knew this would be so much **** work!!! Thanks for anything you guys can offer! I need help!

Elizabeth.

[stacey]

Hi Elizabeth!

I am having a similar problem with the Guest List. My mom and I have argued forever over it and just this past weekend we totally blew up! I got so angry I said to call the wedding off, my fiance and I will do it on our own!

My fiance and I want to invite people who have been supporting to us, people who give us cards on our birthdays and call us when we are sick. We are very close to his side of the family. However, part of my side of the family lives over 600 miles away. I have met some of my cousins, aunts and uncles once. My parents want to invite around 5 couple (10 people) friends of theirs (and I cannot even remember what they look like)(my mom says she needs someone to talk to!). The extra cousins and aunts/uncles (that I don't remember) will count for an additional 14 people!

I think my mother has a power trip even though she is not paying for the wedding (except a few dresses and the flowers). I do not have a control problem but want the wedding to be small and special.

I have officially given the guest list to my mother, the entire computer file is off my computer. My parents (dad) are paying for it and I may have to deal with it. Meanwhile, we are saving for a house.

Anyways, I think you should think about how much each person means to you and your fiance and your family. If one of your dad's siblings is not close to you or has not been supportive then they would probably not be hurt if they were not invited. Hope I answered some of your concerns!

stacey

[animal]

Oh Elizabeth I feel your pain. We will be at around 400 - 450 people when its all said and done. I have come to the conclusion that if i were paying for all of it I would be ****ed but both of our parents are covering the majority of the financial burden so I dont feel as if I can complain. If you and your fiance are responsible for more of the finances perhaps you could try that angle with your mother. Tell her money is tight. Every extra head is extra dollars.