missing brides maid

[espinosatm@yahoo.com]

Hi,
I visited my bridesmaid some 4 months ago to ask her to be in my wedding. She said ofcourse I'll be there for sure. Since then I have left her messages asking how she is and I have had no response at all. I've left her e-mails and even frantic messages on her voicemail. She's in another state and I don't know any of her family phone numbers or whereabouts. I'm getting worried because the wedding's less than a year away and I need to know if I need to ask someone else to be in it with some time. Help!
Tina

[Angel]

you should try doing an internet search for her and maybe she has a new number or address, these searches are ususally very helpful.
good luck
angel

[ybaldwin]

I hate to say it, but it may be time to get another bridesmaid.

[marvel]

I'm in a similar situation. I asked my best friend to be my MOH, after I was engaged. She excitedly accepted. Since then, I hardly ever hear from her. I, too, have left emails and tried calling her (leaving messages, and getting no response). Have you tried writing her a letter? She may be very busy, and not have time to check her email, or respond to your phone messages.

Maybe I'm just being naive, but that's what I'm hoping is wrong w/ my best friend. We haven't spoken in a couple of months and she hasn't helped me at all with my plans (I've got 5 months to go). She works full time, is a single mother, and is going to school ~ so I'm hoping she's just busy. Maybe if you write her a letter, she'll take the time to read it, and understand how important this is to you and how much you really need her . . . and she just may call you. You know, I think I may take my own advice! LOL! Good luck, and if she doesn't contact you within a month after you've mailed the letter, you may need to find someone else. Hey, this might be tacky, but maybe you could send it Return-receipt requested, or Certified mail. Just explain in the letter, to her, why you did it! If she's a good friend, she'll understand. Good Luck!

[W. Smith]

This is supposed to be a happy time for you. Sometimes things like this let you know who your true friends really are. If you have friends who are really into helping you with your wedding plans, and who are being there for you now, those are your real friends. If you haven't heard anything by now, perhaps you should make new arrangements on who will play the important rolls of being in your wedding party. We all lead busy lives, but how much time does it take to respond to such an honorable request? What about good manners? Enjoy your wedding, and don't let anyone send you on any guilt trips. You've waited long enough for a reply. Good luck.

[fastandsassy43]

I am so sorry to hear that! I had the same problem, so I replaced her. And then on the day of the wedding she shows up and was guest. She finally told me that she was too embarrassed to tell me that she couldn't afford the dress. I just wished she had told me sooner, I would have understood. But we worked it out and we are still the best of friends and we had a blast at my wedding.

[Sarah]

Replace her. If there is something else going on in her life right now that precludes her involvement, she should have realized that you would understand and she should've just talked to you instead of dropping off the face of the earth. Leave her a message letting her know that you understand she's busy and have decided to let her off the hook as far as your wedding is concerned.

I am the matron of honor at a wedding in August, and the bride was having a similar situation. My friend had asked me to be the matron of honor before she was even engaged to her fiance (she was planning for me to do this the last time she was engaged, but thankfully THAT one was broken...another story). She had been planning to ask another friend of hers, whom I'll call K, to also be a bridesmaid. Before she could, however, K declared herself the maid of honor! If that was what the bride had wanted, OK, but it's really rude to assume before you're asked! I wouldn't have minded at all if the bride had chosen K to do it instead of me, but I do mind that this so-called friend is stomping all over her and she really has trouble standing up for herself sometimes! K has not helped a bit in the planning process; every time the bride calls her for help, she "can't right now" ....because she's getting plastered. To top it all off, most of the time K spends with the happy couple, she spends flirting with the groom! Talk about backstabbing!! I think my friend has decided to keep her as a bridesmaid (not what I would have done -- don't need the hassle....but it's her choice) and marginalize her in the planning process. We'll see how it goes. I love my friend and want to abide by her wishes, but I don't look forward to working with K. The bride even told me not to call her yet to start planning the shower....I don't think she's even broken it to her that she's not the maid of honor! Aaaaaarrrggghhhh! :mad:

Thanks for letting me vent. ;)