Can they ask for money

[fern225]

The bride and groom are currently unemployed. How can the invitations be worded so they would receive cash gifts instead of presents they don't need?

[lori]

My fiance and I don't want gifts either. To not rock the boat on the etiquitte ocean though, we simply didn't state anything about gift registration (or cash) on the invites. we are leaving it up to the mother and mother in law to pass the word through the family/friends. This way everyone will have an explanation of why we want cash, and not be offended that we are greedy or selfish.

[E]

You should never mention gifts in the invitation. It is the responsibility of the families and wedding party members to let guests know the wishes of the couple regarding gifts. It can be a very touchy subject, asking for money instead of gifts. Many people will still choose to purchase something for you, however it will be something of their own choice. We recommend using something like a honeymoon registry, which allows you to register for "items" like airfare or hotel accomodations. You receive a check around the time of your wedding for the full amount, which you can use for your honeymoon or for anything else you wish. Wedding Solutions has a honeymoon registry at http://www.weddingsolutions.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=brideRegistry&fuseaction.brideRegistry=option&fuseaction.prevbride=option&CFID=303441&CFTOKEN=25160078.

[swelch]

I have an idea. Get a J-O-B. This entire web site is going to make me puke.

[Sarah]

Please pay no attention to the above post. If this entire website is going to make her puke, she is under no obligation to visit. Jobs are not easy to come by sometimes, but everything will work out.

My husband was fired 2 weeks before our wedding. Though his performance reviews had always been exemplary and his raises generous, he was coming up on 5 years with the company and they were too cheap to allow him to become fully vested in the several thousand dollars of stock he had purchased. We made it!

Recently a friend's husband was fired a couple weeks before their wedding. The company vehicle that he was driving caught fire due to poor maintenance provided by the company (NOT him), and instead of being thankful that he was okay, they used him as a scapegoat for the incident. They made it!

I am the matron of honor for a wedding in 4 months. Though she has several thousands of dollars in unpaid medical bills dating back to the birth of her daughter, school expenses, daycare, a wedding to pay for, etc., the bride recently quit her job without first lining up another. Why? The company she worked for forced her to close the store alone every night in an awful neighborhood, though they had been robbed several times. One night while leaving work, my friend was raped at knifepoint and left for dead. When she recovered and went back to work, the company covered up the incident, refused to acknowledge their security problem to new hires, refused to add another employee to help my friend close the store, refused to increase security, and publicly humiliated my friend by suggesting that her subsequent panic attacks were the result of a silly personal problem. Several weeks later, a man again entered the store while she was alone and took at gunpoint not only the store's money, but my friend's entire paycheck (which had been in her purse). Enough was enough! Her fiance is paying for her expenses and the wedding until she can find a better job, though he is in school himself. Thankfully, my friend is okay now, and they're going to make it!

I guess my point is that no one can judge another person's situation without knowing all the details. Even then, he or she shouldn't judge. Keep your chin up!

Please don't include any info regarding gifts/money on the invitations. This is tacky. When people ask, explain that you already have everything you need and that gifts are not necessary. Most guests will then proceed to give you money anyway in lieu of better ideas. If you do receive a few knickknacks, most stores will let you return them.

Good luck with your wedding plans!!

[meowy]

No, etiquette-wise you can't ask for money. Nor can you ask for a toaster, a set of wine glasses or a trip to Tahiti. Basically, you can't ASK for a gift. This isn't Christmas and you're not 5 years old.

If you prefer cash that desire must be spread by word of mouth...your mom, aunts, cousins, friends, etc. Trust me, you will probably still get gifts you don't want or have no use for...discreetly ask for the sales receipt of said gifts and return them later.

I still cringe when I get registry cards inside wedding invitations...I know that's how brides do it now days but I still can't help thinking..."geez, if I wanted to go and see them married and enjoy their special day I better bring a gift from XYZ Department store..."

[bjmy1975]

Honestly, guest are offened often and by anything that they don't personally agree with. My mother recently go an invitation from my cousin that was worded something like this: The couple is registered at Khol's. And since the couple will be combining two household's, the list is small. However, the couple will be moving soon and are in need of larger funishings. My mother wasn't very appreciative of the obvious request for monetary gives. But I think you have to do what you have to do. If you are polite and sincere, it will be ok.

[lauralei]

I'm offended by the little regisrty cards in the invitations. I think the bride should just print off her entire registry, make photocopies, and put THOSE in the invitations. Saves me the time and trouble making the store's computer spit out the registry. :p

Seriously, if the couple only wants cash, then don't register ANYWHERE. Most people will get the drift (although there will always be great-aunt Martha who HAS to buy you a 16-piece place setting of stoneware...maybe she'll have the foresight to include a receipt) :(

[baconsmom]

It is unacceptable to mention gifts in an invitation. Gifts are not a requirement, and should not be expected. If the couple are not registered, many guests will give cash. Some will not. Some will not get anything. That's just the way it goes. The couple should be gracious about anything they do receive, whether or not it's what they want.

[Cashy98]

Oh how I wish we could ask for cash! But... sadly, its just not appropriate. I agree with everyone else, just don't register anywhere. If a guest asks your mom or the groom's mom, then just have her tell them that money is OK or that you haven't registered anyway. People will generally get the drift. The last wedding I went to, the bride and groom weren't registered anywhere... but boy was there a big pile of cards (with you know what in them) on the gift table.