Competing cousin...

[Melissa S.]

Help I have a cousin who has always competed with me, recently I got engaged and pondered about whether I should ask her to be in my wedding. After lots of thought I asked her and she said yes. My Maid of honor threw me a brides maids luncheon about a month ago. Now this was supposed to be an "ice breaker" for all of the brides maids. It was fun but the only girl who didn't show up was my cousin. I didn't even get a phone call from her. Now this was a month ago. This weekend she ends up calling me (I wasn't home) and she apologizes to my sister (who is also in the wedding) She also called to announce her engagement to me. I Need advise should I keep her in my wedding? She is always competing with me and now of course she's engaged! What should I do? Any Ideas would help!

[kittycarial]

Help I have a cousin who has always competed with me, recently I got engaged and pondered about whether I should ask her to be in my wedding. After lots of thought I asked her and she said yes. My Maid of honor threw me a brides maids luncheon about a month ago. Now this was supposed to be an "ice breaker" for all of the brides maids. It was fun but the only girl who didn't show up was my cousin. I didn't even get a phone call from her. Now this was a month ago. This weekend she ends up calling me (I wasn't home) and she apologizes to my sister (who is also in the wedding) She also called to announce her engagement to me. I Need advise should I keep her in my wedding? She is always competing with me and now of course she's engaged! What should I do? Any Ideas would help!
If she was so careless to forget to come to your shower, she might be just as careless to come to your wedding. If it is super important for her to be in your wedding then I would sit down with her and seriously talk about your concerns. Let her know that you don't appreciate her blowing you off with out a thought and that this is a very important thing to you. Also, let her know that if she tries to upstage you once more, she will have proven herself as not being mature enough to participate in your joyous day.

[Melissa S.]

If she was so careless to forget to come to your shower, she might be just as careless to come to your wedding. If it is super important for her to be in your wedding then I would sit down with her and seriously talk about your concerns. Let her know that you don't appreciate her blowing you off with out a thought and that this is a very important thing to you. Also, let her know that if she tries to upstage you once more, she will have proven herself as not being mature enough to participate in your joyous day.



Your right, It's not very important that she be in my Wedding. My Mom says that she does things because she hates it when the "lime light" is on me and not on her!

[kittycarial]

Your right, It's not very important that she be in my Wedding. My Mom says that she does things because she hates it when the "lime light" is on me and not on her!
I had a similar situation myself. My "best-friend" of ten years was going to be my maid of honor. She has always been a selfish person but I thought she could think about someone other than herself for a while. Well, she made my wedding arrangemens all about her. Every time I would tell her what I was planning, she would say, "I'm NOT going to wear a burgandy red dress!", and "You're getting married in a restruant? I'm not even going to have an isle to walk down?" (That one actually turned my stomach). When all my wedding planning not good enough because she didn't find anything that would benefit her, I took back my maid of honor offer as well as my friendship. I now have my mother as my maid of honor, which is how it should have been to begin with. You have to realize that people grow apart and some people grow up while others don't.

[Melissa S.]

So How should I tell her that I don't want her in my wedding? (She's the type of person that will keep a grudge). :confused:

[kittycarial]

So How should I tell her that I don't want her in my wedding? (She's the type of person that will keep a grudge). :confused:
I would just politely tell her that you choose her to be in your wedding because you love her and that when you think back and remember your big day, you want to remember her sharing that day with you. Start out with a compliment and also make her realize that this day includes her. I would then say to her something like, "I know that you also have important things going on in your life and I really need to know if you can committ to being in my wedding, or if you need to concentrate on your own wedding." That right there lets her know that if she decides to be in your wedding, she needs to be there all the way. Saying that to her is not at all confrontational or insulting. If she then gets insulted, then that's her problem and not yours. And if she does decide to participate in your wedding, and then pulls some of the same crap, then you have the right to get angry and kick her out of the wedding. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[mermaid]

I have similar problems with a relative as well.

If you have to have your cousin in the wedding to keep peace in the family, then you might want to consider a good defense. Ask a couple of friends or other family members to keep an eye on her to keep her in line if she tries to do anything to up stage you.

[Melissa S.]

I would just politely tell her that you choose her to be in your wedding because you love her and that when you think back and remember your big day, you want to remember her sharing that day with you. Start out with a compliment and also make her realize that this day includes her. I would then say to her something like, "I know that you also have important things going on in your life and I really need to know if you can committ to being in my wedding, or if you need to concentrate on your own wedding." That right there lets her know that if she decides to be in your wedding, she needs to be there all the way. Saying that to her is not at all confrontational or insulting. If she then gets insulted, then that's her problem and not yours. And if she does decide to participate in your wedding, and then pulls some of the same crap, then you have the right to get angry and kick her out of the wedding. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I'm going to do just that, Thanks for such great advise!