Penny Pinching and What's Important

[belleberrie]

Before we got engaged, my fiance and I agreed on everything. Now, I am doing all the research for our wedding and have literally spent hours upon hours trying to find the best deals out there on everything from the gown to the reception hall and everything in between. The thing is, best a lot of the things that are important to me for the wedding are not so for my future hubby, he opposes me a lot because of costs. I found the wedding videographer of my dreams for $2100 and my fiance wouldn't hear of spending that much money. So, after a ton of negotiation with the videographer, he brought the price down to $1300, which I think is amazing for all the services he will be providing. My fiance still think that is too much for a video, but it is so important to me to capture everything that happens on our big day. He has been giving me the same troubles with the photographer, that is equally important to me. Then, we found a great hall and a better than great price, and he still wanted me to look into other things. I have made about a thousand phone calls, gauged prices for practically even reception site within a 100 mile radius and finally had to have a nervous breakdown for him to agree with the site I originally had wanted. So, after two months of looking, we finally decided on our hall. I thought that my fiance was only giving me a tough time because these are very expensive, but the largest part of the budget. I am willing to cut costs everywhere else, just not on these three things. But then the other day we walked into a store and I pointed out sheet magnets and said we could make Save the Date magnets for way cheaper than buying them (only about $30 for all 150 guests) and he said he thought it was impractical and a waste of money. Firstly, I am footing the bill for most of the wedding. Secondly, I don't understand why my fiance is opposing me on everything I am trying to do for this wedding, no matter what the cost. He wants to share every decision with me on the wedding, but no matter how big the savings he always has something to say about why we don't need this, or why we can do without this. However, when it comes to something he wants to do (he wants to buy his tux because he would like to have the tux he was married in) I fully support him and will make room in our budget to fit it in. I don't feel like he's being very fair at all. But like I said, we agree on everything else that doesn't have to do with the wedding. This past weekend we went out and bought some furniture for our apartment together (we won't be moving in together until next May, but I couldn't pass up the incredible deals they had this past weekend.) and we chose it right away, no problems or opposition. Why is he being this way? Am I doing something wrong? Please help me! This wedding planning stuff is not as fun as I thought it would be...

Anabella

[RadioLyss]

Hi, Wow sounds like a lot here. I hope I can offer you a little help. My fiance has been a little leary of the cost of things as well. At first he didn't want a weekday wedding. I got this and agreed, but one of the sites we are really considering is a little expensive, but if we booked it on a thursday night instead it is half price. So now we are considering that instead. (we are having a summer wedding) So if you haven't already signed contracts on your site perhaps you can look into that option.

About save the date stuff: I personally don't think they are that important except for those people who have to travel a considerable distance--like those who have to make plane reservations etc. I don't think you need to send them out to all 150 guests. But that is my feeling. Perhaps your fiance would be more agreeable to sending them to people who have to travel a fair distance as apposed to everyone, which would cut down on things a little.

If the photog./video/site are your three big things and you truely are willing to cut back in other areas cutting down on the number of save the dates you send would help.

Have you sat him down and calmly explained to him how you are feeling.. or if you can't do that perhaps writing him a letter explaining it all would help him see... he may not think that he is causing that much of a problem. I don't know what kind of a budget you are working with, but talking it out may help. Remember the wedding, while it does mean alot to the men in our lives, it usually does not mean as much to them as it does to us, and so I wouldn't worry about the arguements too much! Especially if you can agree on furniture and all the little things so easily! Hope this helps! and Good Luck!

[aligrrl80]

i wouldn't be able to give you a reason for the way your fiance is acting, but i can give you the same advice my future sister-in-law gave me- when she was planning her wedding, she sat down with her fiance and they each made a list of the three things that were most important to them that they absolutely didn't want cut out or compromised, and also set a budget for each aspect of the wedding. they each agreed to respect the others three most important things list while still sticking to the agreed upon budget. she says this saved them a lot of arguing and got the both of them on the same page with planning. i'm just starting to plan our wedding and am going to try the same thing with my stubborn-as-a-mule fiance and hope it works. hope that is some help, and good luck!!!