Help!!

[Rena]

My fiance and I decided to start a little planning although the wedding is still two years away. We started with a guest list that is close to 300 people long. We cut down as many people as we can, most of the people are family. my first question is how can we keep the guest list small without making people in the family upset.

Should we include family friends, like the people our parents know that we've talked to from time to time, or can we disclude them.

WE want to have the wedding in the area he lives and I go to school, I agreed to this since his family is all flying in from the west coast. My parents disagree saying my grandma is too old to travel that far and two uncles are in no shape to travel that far. How can I deal with a family not agreeing on what me and my fiance want for our wedding?

[deb3903]

Rena,

Remember, this is YOUR wedding. I think all brides go through what you're concerned with: other people wanting to run the wedding. I wanted a super-small wedding, 60-70 people, in the place where my fiance and I lived, not my hometown. My (now) husband's grandmother couldn't have disagreed more. She actually wanted to invite about 15 people I'd never met and my husband hadn't seen in over 10 years. His parents had to convince her that this was our wedding, thus our choice.

I personally think you do everyone a favor by keeping the wedding small. You'll get to spend more time with each guest and make it very special. And, to be truthful, most people don't have 300 people in their lives who really want to spend an evening out celebrating (you), especially if they have to travel out of town to do it. Keep the guest list to people you'd truly miss if they weren't there.

If your parents friends are really interested in your wedding out of state, they can watch it on video at your folks house. (Doesn't sound entertaining? Perhaps they wouldn't find the live event the most important of their social calendar either.)

Tell your mother she can send out wedding announcements to anyone she wishes as soon as you've left for the honeymoon. (Note: Wedding announcements are not a wish for gifts, its a polite way of letting folks know you got hitched who weren't close enough to invite to the wedding.)

Another way to appease family who is wishing grandma and uncles could be there is to mention them in the program. Our program had a whole page (in front) dedicated to people we wanted there who were dead, and people we wished were there who for health reasons, couldn't attend.

Good luck!

Deb

[wedindec]

One way we kept our guest list down to a reasonable size was by only inviting mutual friends or friends who have been there for us through our relationship. As far as family, they are pretty much automatic guests. You have to remember not everyone is going to agree with your decisions about your wedding, but you have to remember this is your wedding. Everything falls into place.Good Luck!

[Marcia]

I believe you should invite family and friends who are near and dear to you. We are planning a small wedding and it is very hard to do! We are inviting just aunts and uncles and no cousins. We are going to explain that we want our wedding to be as intimate as possible. I wish you the best!
Marcia

[MoonChyld30]

To cut down the size, divide up your guest list into Must Have and Would Like to Have. Send out the Must Have invitations first and for every regret, send out a Would Like to Have, but make sure you don't send out any invitations any later than one month before the wedding. Also, if you're not close to your second and third cousins, etc, don't invite them. I have some distant relatives that I haven't seen for years and I'm certainly not going to miss them at my wedding.

I would say that yes, you should allow your parents to invite some of their friends who are very close. Especially if they are helping you pay for the wedding.

For most of the brides that I've talked to who have had their wedding in towns other than that of where they live, they have all regretted it. Saying that it would've been soooo much easier to do the planning had the ceremony and reception sites been close to home. They said especially the last week before the wedding, they did so much driving back and forth finishing up the last minute details, that it really put a lot of added stress on them. I was considering having my wedding at my FH's hometown which is 3 hours away from where we live, but after hearing those stories, I'm all for having the family drive here!!! As for getting the elderly relatives there, I'm sure they will find a way. You may just need to make special arrangements to make sure that Grandma has a place to go rest when she gets into town. If it's absolutely impossible, maybe you could set up a teleconference type thing so she can still "be with you" on your day or send her a special flower arrangement or something telling her you'll miss her but you're thinking of her.

[esp1087]

Just remember that not everyone you invite will be able to attend. About 10-20% of those invited will not be there... That percentage is higher if you have a lot of out of town guests.

Also, did you invite guests for single guests? If you did, then consider keeping guests only to engaged couples or couples you know have been dating for a while or are living together.

The other suggestions were good also.

Good luck!