EVERYONE thinks they are in the wedding party...

[Karfooglet]

:(
Ever since my fiance and I have been telling people that we are engaged it seems EVERY female we know is expecting to be a bridesmaid. I've gotten comments like

"Let me know when you need my measurements for my bridesmaid dress"
"I BETTER be a bridesmaid"
"If I'm not a bridesmaid I'll be very hurt"

And I don't want all these people to be bridesmaids- and suddenly every female thinks they are my very best friend. We have considered having only family in the wedding party... but I know we will have at least one of my friends as a bridesmaid.

How do you properly tell people they are not in the wedding party?
:(

The only solution so far is to have my sister as my Maid of honor, the groom's two sisters as bridesmaids, his two brothers as groomsmen, and his life-long best friend as the best man.

[ashpow]

:(
Ever since my fiance and I have been telling people that we are engaged it seems EVERY female we know is expecting to be a bridesmaid. I've gotten comments like

"Let me know when you need my measurements for my bridesmaid dress"
"I BETTER be a bridesmaid"
"If I'm not a bridesmaid I'll be very hurt"

And I don't want all these people to be bridesmaids- and suddenly every female thinks they are my very best friend. We have considered having only family in the wedding party... but I know we will have at least one of my friends as a bridesmaid.

How do you properly tell people they are not in the wedding party?
:(

The only solution so far is to have my sister as my Maid of honor, the groom's two sisters as bridesmaids, his two brothers as groomsmen, and his life-long best friend as the best man.


The problem that I have is that I asked my cousin to be in the wedding but she is never around to go dress shopping. Her fiance makes plans when we are supposed to go dress shopping instead. So she decides to not go dress shopping with us and go with her fiance. So I'm going to have to tell her that she is out of the wedding. The only way that I'm able to tell her nicely is by flat out telling her: "This is my wedding day you are not going to ruin it by not doing your "job duties" as a bridesmaid." We also had to kick her fiance off the wedding party as well. They claimed they couldn't afford it anyways. She said she can afford to pay for his tux and pay for her dress to be made. However, she couldn't afford to pay for his tux and her dress. Which doesn't make any sense anyways.

So my suggestion is to flat out tell them this is your wedding that you are going to have who you want in your wedding. If you don't tell them flat out then they won't respect your decision. They can't always expect to be in a wedding if the bride (the number 1 person in the wedding) doesn't ask them to be in the wedding.

Good Luck

[reecey]

Well, first of all, just don't ask them for measurements. That's one way they'll get the idea. When they ask why they weren't included, just tell them that you wish you could have included everyone, but that wouldn't leave much for the guest list and you'd rather have them kick back and enjoy the festivities! If they don't accept this, then its their problem. They can't tell you who will be in YOUR wedding party. Take control and own the situation. If they're hurt by not being a bridesmaid, then they've got larger issues than you're qualified to deal with. And remember, its their issue, not yours. You didn't intentionally hurt their feelings. They'll realize that

:(
Ever since my fiance and I have been telling people that we are engaged it seems EVERY female we know is expecting to be a bridesmaid. I've gotten comments like

"Let me know when you need my measurements for my bridesmaid dress"
"I BETTER be a bridesmaid"
"If I'm not a bridesmaid I'll be very hurt"

And I don't want all these people to be bridesmaids- and suddenly every female thinks they are my very best friend. We have considered having only family in the wedding party... but I know we will have at least one of my friends as a bridesmaid.

How do you properly tell people they are not in the wedding party?
:(

The only solution so far is to have my sister as my Maid of honor, the groom's two sisters as bridesmaids, his two brothers as groomsmen, and his life-long best friend as the best man.

[PattyCakesBride]

I was having the same issue. I have 10 close friends I would love to be bridesmaids. My fiance only has 3 groomsmen though, so I couldn't have more than 3. Luckily I only have one sister and she gets to be the maid of honor, so that keeps me from having to choose btwn friends. So I was getting all those comments too, especially "I BETTER be a bridesmaid" and "you should choose them on how long you've been friends" and this and that. So, what I did was have a House Party in addition to bridesmaids. I decided I needed 4 girls to do various things like attend to the guestbook, pass out programs, and attend to the kids in the wedding (flower girls and ring bearer.) That way I get to have 6 of my closest friends...which makes for another problem....6 out of 10??? So the solution that no one can complain about...draw names from a hat!

[purpleaa]

How about directly: "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but we've decided to keep our wedding party small. I do look forward to celebrating with you at the engagement party/bachelorette party/shower/etc."

By all means though--you're right--you should say SOMETHING. This way they will be clear on your reasons, rather than feeling you "don't like them" or something like that.

A similar but different situation: I was specifically asked to be a bridesmaid in 2 weddings, said yes to both, then wasn't in the weddings, without explanation. Just found out through the grapevine that the bridesmaids already had their dresses. 1 because the groom had--years before--had a crush on me. Mind you, I was 20, bride was 19, groom was 39. Had a crush on me when I was in my early teens--ICK!!!!--my skin is actually crawling right now. (Bride shouldn't have asked me in the 1st place, but she was a close friend, so I said yes.) The other because the church elders said I wasn't allowed to be in the wedding party because they heard I smoke. (I've never smoked.) Had either of the brides talked to me about their situations directly, I wouldn't have been upset and wouldn't be talking about it 15 yrs later!

[RedStiletto]

I have the same problem, just reverse!

I have unfortunately lost all of my female friends from highschool and gradeschool. All by their own choices they have made through our lives. I only have two females that i would consider friends, but neither of them are close enough to be in my wedding, instead I am having my three little sisters stand up in my wedding, all of which I am very close too, and my fiance's sister.

But I have a lot of male friends, all of which are my fiance's friends. I am having a hard time deciding who the groom's men are going to be, and everyone wants to be in our wedding (we are the first couple to get married, I am actually the only girl in our small close knit group).

Grrrr.... it is such a headache!

Red