Everyone wants to be a bridesmaid! HELP!

[Karfooglet]

Ever since my fiance and I have been telling people that we are engaged it seems EVERY female we know is expecting to be a bridesmaid. I've gotten comments like

"Let me know when you need my measurements for my bridesmaid dress"
"I BETTER be a bridesmaid"
"If I'm not a bridesmaid I'll be very hurt"

And I don't want all these people to be bridesmaids- and suddenly every female thinks they are my very best friend. We have considered having only family in the wedding party... but I know we will have at least one of my friends as a bridesmaid.

How do you properly tell people they are not in the wedding party?

[bjmy1975]

I don't think that you need to tell people that they are not in the wedding party. I think that you only need to ask the people you want in the party. And I think it is particularily rude of people to approach you and say things like that. :mad: I probably wouldn't respond to those comments. Or I might ask them why they think they are going to be asked and then put them in their place. Otherwise if you decide to go with just family memebers... just say that. They should understand. If they don't, they really aren't friends and they should be able to figure out why you didn't ask them.

[Sarah]

Yeah, don't tell them. It's really rude of them to assume. If you want, you can ask some of these people (the ones who ARE your friends) to do something else special at the wedding.....cutting cake (after the first slice), attending guestbook, serving punch, etc. etc.

I understand where you are coming from....I'm the matron of honor for my friend's wedding in August, and one of the bridesmaids bears a strong resemblance to "The Creature from the Black Lagoon." So far, she:

1) crowned herself maid of honor before even being asked to be a bridesmaid, and then sulked when the bride explained that she'd chosen otherwise.

2) spends all her time flirting with the groom whenever she and the couple get together.

3) isn't available to help the bride with ANYTHING she's asked so far (showing up the ONE and only time the bride asked her to do something regarding the bridesmaids' dresses took an act of Congress), either being drunk or just "busy."

4) pleaded "broke" when they bought the bridesmaids dresses, borrowed the money from the groom's mother, promptly left for a cruise (second one this year), and so far no sign of paying her loan back.

5) is insisting on a strip club, or strippers somewhere else, for the bachelorette party, even though this is EXTREMELY against the bride's wishes and beliefs and even though one of the other bridesmaids is only 14 years old.

6) responded with "I don't know" when the bride asked for her address so that she could send her her keepsake wedding invitation and so I could send her the bridal shower invitation. C'mon, how do you NOT KNOW your address?! What a lame excuse for "I'm sulking in a corner, I don't want to play anymore!"

AAAARRRRRRGH! Thanks for letting me vent, and good luck with yours!

[christina_rivard]

Wow! How are you dealing with this? I can't believe that someone would be so self centred like that. I am sure it creates more frustration for the bride and as things trickle down....you too. I am so sorry you have to deal with that kind of behaviour.

Christina

Yeah, don't tell them. It's really rude of them to assume. If you want, you can ask some of these people (the ones who ARE your friends) to do something else special at the wedding.....cutting cake (after the first slice), attending guestbook, serving punch, etc. etc.

I understand where you are coming from....I'm the matron of honor for my friend's wedding in August, and one of the bridesmaids bears a strong resemblance to "The Creature from the Black Lagoon." So far, she:

1) crowned herself maid of honor before even being asked to be a bridesmaid, and then sulked when the bride explained that she'd chosen otherwise.

2) spends all her time flirting with the groom whenever she and the couple get together.

3) isn't available to help the bride with ANYTHING she's asked so far (showing up the ONE and only time the bride asked her to do something regarding the bridesmaids' dresses took an act of Congress), either being drunk or just "busy."

4) pleaded "broke" when they bought the bridesmaids dresses, borrowed the money from the groom's mother, promptly left for a cruise (second one this year), and so far no sign of paying her loan back.

5) is insisting on a strip club, or strippers somewhere else, for the bachelorette party, even though this is EXTREMELY against the bride's wishes and beliefs and even though one of the other bridesmaids is only 14 years old.

6) responded with "I don't know" when the bride asked for her address so that she could send her her keepsake wedding invitation and so I could send her the bridal shower invitation. C'mon, how do you NOT KNOW your address?! What a lame excuse for "I'm sulking in a corner, I don't want to play anymore!"

AAAARRRRRRGH! Thanks for letting me vent, and good luck with yours!

[mustangbex]

Yeah, don't tell them. It's really rude of them to assume. If you want, you can ask some of these people (the ones who ARE your friends) to do something else special at the wedding.....cutting cake (after the first slice), attending guestbook, serving punch, etc. etc.

1) crowned herself maid of honor before even being asked to be a bridesmaid, and then sulked when the bride explained that she'd chosen otherwise.

My friend was Married in May and I was invited but not asked to be a bridesmaid... but one of her bridesmaids disappeared and I was asked to be sub-I was sooo honored... Unfortunately for her she had one of the "creatures" too...

She hadn't really chosen an official "Maid of Honor" because she figured there was no need to differentiate.. her ex boyfriend's wife arranged her lingere shower but there wasn't initially any "title proclaiming". One of the bridesmaids was the daughter of her mother's bestfriend... they had known each other for a while but had only become friends in the last 2-3 years but she was originally a great asset. But she was a bit... more open (VULGAR) than any of us were used to, and mildly obsessed with saying things like "we've been friends for 19 years so I get to (insert menial task here)" I knew that was trouble. Before the rehearsal my friend had asked if I'd sign her marriage license as a witness at the rehearsal and I was once again more honored than I can describe... when the rehearsal ***e around the officiate said ok who're the best man and maid of honor so they can witness and this other girl promptly claimed the roll with her trademark, "Ive know her since we were in diapers, it's my duty." and that was that. The poor bride didn't know what to do! NEVER get pushed around at your wedding... Don't be the Monster Bride (friend's cousin claimed the entire YEAR in which her wedding was to happen, offended that people would schedule theirs or other such events), but never let somebody forcefully insert themselves in to your most important and special day! I'm having two maids of honor, my sister and my roommate (boyfriend's sister) because we're all like family. Do what you want! :)

[TheForgottenOnes]

We completely understand the dilemma of choosing bridesmaids. However, forgetting or choosing not to invite friends to be bridesmaids can be one of the most hurtful things that can be done. Our friend since childhood has recently gotten engaged. She has chosen to include only family in the wedding party. Since before we even were old enough to date we all dreamed of our weddings together and always promised that we would be in each others weddings. Now that the planning has begun our friend has informed us that she will not be including any friends in her wedding. We would never dream of demanding to be bridesmaids or making her feel guilty about her decision. She has leaned on us her entire life since we've known her and she still expects us to help her with planning the wedding and all the odds and ends it entails. We are at a crossroads now because we feel hurt like we are not good enough or important enough in her life to make us part of the actual ceremony but we don't feel we should have to perform bridesmaids duties that are expected of us and we do not know how to bow out gracefully without ruining her big event. Just from the point of view of forgotten bridesmaids leaving out your friends can be more hurtful than you could possibly think.

[USUKgirl]

My cousin assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid but at the time I didn't hear her because we were at a party and it was loud and everything so luckily I didn't have to respond lol... my fiance said she said something in response to me wanting a small intimate ceremony (or maybe it was when we were thinking of a destination wedding) like "come on, this is my only chance to be a bridesmaid, none of my friends are the type to get married!"

Well, she'll get the hint when she finds out I'm not even having any bridesmaids, just a MOH!

I think a good response to people who are assuming they are in the wedding party is "You know, just because it's the 21st century doesn't mean it's not still rude to invite yourself to be in the wedding"

Or something like "We haven't decided exactly who or how many people to have in the wedding party yet so typically it's polite to wait to be asked."