Bridal Party Dilemma

[Kim&Jared]

I am recently engaged (about 3 weeks now) and I don't even know where to start planning (the wedding will probably be in 2006). one of my concerns is my bridal party, my fiance is having his only brother, two closest friends from middle school as groomsmen, and my two brothers are going to be "ushers" seating guest and handing out programs. I know that groomsmen and ushers are really the same thing, but i would like to include my brothers but not so much as part of the wedding party. But i'm lost when it comes to who i want to include as bridesmaids. I would like to include my only sister, and i'm thinking of having here as my MOH but I am concerned about her living half way across the country, though she lives with my parents still so I'm hoping that by talking to both my sister and mother about what she needs to do they should be able to make arrangments without being out here. my other problem is one of my close college friends is from Japan and is here on a work visa, I'm worried that she might not be here for the wedding, I am also concerned about the culture differences and if she would understand here responabilities. which leave one empty spot (assuming all goes as planned) but i don't know who to ask. I have been moving alot the past 6 years and haven't been able to hold on to any of the friendship I've made during this time. any suggestions for another BM?
My largest problem is with my college roommate. we were friends during school. but she is a very negative person, she does not like my fiance, though she says she does her actions show otherwise, and she cannot be happy for anyone. she has told me that she IS going to be part of the wedding, or else I cannot get married. I think she is jealous of me, and therefore trys to bring me down when she can. I have not talked to anyone about who I am chosing but i really don't want to chose her, but i still feel awful because she is one of my closer friends. Any suggestion on how to deal with this, or any alternatives would be greatly appreciated.

Also- Can a BM be married, or should they only be unwed?

Thanks so much for any help, and good luck with you big day!

~Kim

[bjmy1975]

Wow, and I thought I had a problem. I don't know if this will help, but I'll give a try. I am an only child without any really close relatives that I would want to put in the wedding party, so this is what we decided: My Matron of honor is my best friend from college and her husband is groomsman #2. My fiance's sister is bridesmaid #1 and her soon to be husband is groomsman#1. My fiance's best friend is his best man. My fiance's cousins are bridesmaid #2, junior bridesmaids 3 & 4, junior groomsman #3, flower girl, ring bearer, hostess 1 & 2, and usher #1. Usher #2 is a friend of the groom. We may have a third usher, but he may be shipped out overseas by then, but because we really don't need to know for sure until at least next April, we are leaving a space open for him whether we need another usher or not. And our reader is a Friend of mine. I know that there are people that think they should be in the wedding party, but I wasn't in their's and they don't really keep in touch with me anymore. I choose the people that I want to celebrate with and that will be there and respectful. I'm not doing anything because they think I should put them in. You just need to decide who you want. If you really want your friend from Japan in the wedding... leave her spot open, but have an alternate, or find a place to put her in where if she ends up not being here, it won't leave a hole. Or create a role and double it so that there is still one there, like my hostess and ushers. I don't know if this will help. I can't give you any advice on the person who thinks that they are required to be in your wedding or else. If I didn't want them, I would probably just tell them so and explain why I have the people in the party that I have. And if they get mad... so be it... It's my day... not hers... and I'm going to have it my way!!!! :)

[Sarah]

Having both ushers and groomsmen is fine! In my area, that's what most people do. It provides a way to include male friends of the bride who aren't necessarily close to the groom. YES, your bridesmaids can by all means be married. The only change is, if your honor attendant is married, then her title is "Matron of Honour" instead of "Maid of Honour." (But the others are still called bridesmaids, not bridesmatrons!) In fact, the original bridesmaids in ancient Greece were traditionally MARRIED friends of the bride! You can even have one matron of honor and one maid of honor, if you want. Yes, have your sister if you want her. The fact that she lives with your mom will be a big help in coordinating things, and the distance probably isn't as much of a barrier as you are afraid it will be. As for your roommate.....maybe you can put her in a position where she will feel useful but you won't depend too much on her. "Personal assistant"? "Hostess"? Don't ever choose bridesmaids because you feel obligated, guilt-tripped, or otherwise like you HAVE to pick this person. I'm the matron of honor for a wedding in August, and the bride did that, and it's turned out ABSOLUTELY AWFUL :mad: ! This girl has been no help at all and has given the bride no end of headaches, all under the guise of "friendship." Yes, leave a spot for your friend from Japan. If you are good enough friends to ask her to be in your bridal party, then you are good enough friends to discuss what you are asking of her honestly and openly, and work out any cultural differences together, upfront, so there will be no misunderstandings. Good luck!

[RadioLyss]

Wow, and I thought I had a problem. I don't know if this will help, but I'll give a try. I am an only child without any really close relatives that I would want to put in the wedding party, so this is what we decided: My Matron of honor is my best friend from college and her husband is groomsman #2. My fiance's sister is bridesmaid #1 and her soon to be husband is groomsman#1. My fiance's best friend is his best man. My fiance's cousins are bridesmaid #2, junior bridesmaids 3 & 4, junior groomsman #3, flower girl, ring bearer, hostess 1 & 2, and usher #1. Usher #2 is a friend of the groom.

I am a newly engaged bride and trying to plan things. I have a huge family, and we want to try and keep numbers to a manageable level. My fiance and I are very close to 6 of my little cousins. We have already picked 2 out as flower girls in our minds. We are also close to 2 of his little cousins and so have picked one as a 3rd flower girl and 1 as the ringbearer. But we want to find a way to include the other 4 (2 boys middle school age and h.s. age/2 girls elementary and middle school age) We have also already decided on 5-6 people to be in our wedding party as MOH, Bridesmaides, Best Man, and Groomsmen. Our dilema is that since my family is so huge, and some relatives have 3-5 kids each we want to try to avoid just inviting kids to the wedding and only include these close relatives. I think by including them in the ceremony or event in some way it will make it easier for others with kids to understand why these guys are attending and their kids weren't asked to come.
My question to bjmy1975 or anyone else who can answer is what is this "Hostess" position about. I have never heard of that.

Also does anyone have any other ideas of how to include these 4 guys? :confused:

[bjmy1975]

My question to bjmy1975 or anyone else who can answer is what is this "Hostess" position about. I have never heard of that. Also does anyone have any other ideas of how to include these 4 guys?

Well, my idea of a hostess is a person who will attend to the guest book, answer questions about directions, hand out programs and help the ushers with seating by finding out bride or groom's side. I figure that should keep the doorways moving quickly. I have 2 hostesses and 2 ushers. I'm not sure yet if we will have people going in one or two doors, so I'm not so sure how it will run when we actually get to the church.

As for including all the cousins, that's why I have 5 attendants, flower girl, ring bearer, 4 groomsmen, 2 hostesses and 2 ushers. We will have 2 junior bridesmaids and a junior groomsman who are middle school age. They are an aqkward age to try to find things for them to do. I haven't decided yet if the junior's will be handing out bubbles outside the church or if the hostesses will. I have to see how wild they get closer to the wedding because they are all so excited to be in the wedding. They are the groom's cousins and they have all been so nice to me... they're almost like the sisters I never had... and some days am glad I didn't. :D I wanted them in the wedding and by the time the groom's mother go done with "there's just one more that it would be nice to include"... this is what we ended up with.

I've read suggestions of haveing children lighting candles or tossing petals, but we're not having either of those. My suggestion would be to think about your personal needs. So you need someone to "guard" the gift table or card box? Are a lot of your guest need directions from the church to the reception? Have them hand out maps. And if they aren't in the direct wedding party they won't require formal wear. Trust me... 7 formals is expensive... If you haven't looked for dresses yet, I recomend Alfredo Angelo. They have junior sizes and nice prices. :)

And that would be a long answer to your short question. :rolleyes:

[RadioLyss]

Thanks so much!


And that would be a long answer to your short question. :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]